tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192736113958981132024-03-13T09:38:28.046+00:00Lady in the RadiatorMabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-430068610441018642015-08-12T00:10:00.001+01:002015-08-12T00:10:54.621+01:00Tinder is the Night<br />
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I think I was absent on the day everyone else learnt how to talk to the opposite sex. </div>
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Maybe I'm stuck in the days of courting while everyone has moved on to Tinder.</div>
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Love is so lifeless now.</div>
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Through a screen.</div>
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I can't succumb to it.</div>
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But if I did, would I feel less lonely?</div>
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Less patronised?</div>
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Less embarrassed?</div>
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Less anxious?</div>
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I'm sick.</div>
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-58364135506230428712015-08-05T17:18:00.001+01:002015-08-05T17:18:52.227+01:00Dear Taylor Swift #2<br />
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Dear Taylor Swift,<br />
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I can't help but worry about living with my University friends next year. Surely living with your friends that you love should make you ecstatic and excited and all the happy feelings in the world, but I'm not feeling it. I'm worried about the close-proximity of the house. I'm worried we're going to hate each other by the end. I'm worried about hearing bitchy comments. I'm worried that our friendship may fall apart all because we spend too much time together.<br />
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I started feeling this at the end of last term. We all study English which only leads to competitiveness with grades, which I just can't deal with. I need to live in a place where I don't feel judged. My heart is telling me that they don't judge me, and I believe it, until my head gets in the way and reminds me of my paranoia that is constantly there. We're just so alike and I think that's great, but don't we all get most annoyed with ourselves? And once you've realised your friends are just like you, do you start taking your annoyances out on them? I can't decide whether the ache in my stomach is caused by them, or by me being worried over our friendship.<br />
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I hadn't seen them for a while and then we went to a festival together. Tents, rain and mud are not the best arrangements for friends on heat. I constantly felt like I was annoying them and felt my presence was not worthy. I even over-heard bitching about me in the tent. Now, I know everyone is bitched about, I just don't want to hear it - and I'm sure everyone is the same. But I guess I should 'shake it off' and I DO! I'm a strong person in the fact that I know who I am, I know what I believe and my morals and ways to deal with life, but when you hear people you're very close to discuss them, it can be off-putting. It just reminded me of your lyric in 'Mean', 'pointing out my flaws again, as if I don't already see them.' People always want to think that they know you more than you know yourself but really what they say behind our backs has been going through our heads for months before. (That made sense in my head, it may not have here...)<br />
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I am currently on summer break, which is perfect to have some time to myself. Except I now have a shitty job that is treating me like crap, I have no time to see my home friends and I've lost the love for reading and writing. All this, plus the Uni friends situation, is stressing me out and just writing this here makes me realise how stupid I'm being. But I'm always thinking, and thinking leads to worrying which leads to asking your favourite singer for advice.<br />
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Maybe you could just take me away from my life for a few weeks in your private jet and pay me to hang out with you for the rest of the summer.<br />
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Love from,<br />
Mabel x<br />
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<br />Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-27352664681964642192015-04-13T00:11:00.001+01:002015-04-13T00:11:13.969+01:00Here she goes again...<div style="text-align: center;">
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Tonight has really been one of those 'feel everything' nights. Feeling everything inside, but nothing happening on the outside. I decided to watch <i>Love, Rosie. </i>Not for any particular reason, except for the fact that I love a hopelessly romantic, cheesy film from time to time - and what better time than on a Sunday? So, while I sit here, feeling all the butterflies in my tummy, it doesn't take long until reality kicks in again. That's why I love those films. No, they're not exactly feminist. They would never pass the Bechdal test. But they do allow you to go into a world of fantasy that seems almost reachable. I guess that would be why they're so incredibly bad for you. Especially someone like me.</div>
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I never shy away from my romantic life on this blog. Maybe that's because nothing ever happens. But I think even announcing that is brave. It never feels 'normal' for a nineteen year old to be single and have no prospects of anything other than that, and yet here I am. That's why I think it's brave, because I'm stupidly paranoid about it. Now, I know it's wrong to even put that word 'normal' into a sentence when discussing teenage life (emphasis on the inverted commas), because everyone's different. But going from my experience, I can feel slightly pitied and even patronised when discussing romantic endeavours. I mean, come on, even calling sex and relationships 'romantic endeavours' screams virgin. I like to believe this patronising is all in my head and no one really cares, but that's hard to convince yourself when all anyone wants to know and talk about is sex. </div>
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I've convinced myself a lot of the time that I'm fine. I've never been in a relationship, meaning I don't know any different. But right now, I really want that to change. I really want people to be jealous of me. I really want someone to care for me - again, not very feminist. Actually, scrap that 'care <i>for</i> me', no, I want someone to care <i>about </i>me. I know my friends do, and I know they are great, but they have others they also care about. Who they care more about. I want to be somebody special to someone else. I want to know that when I get lonely, I always have someone to talk to. This paragraph has become incredibly selfish, but I think sometimes you need those selfish moments to reveal what you truly want. I promise, this will be the last selfish post for a while (I can't promise forever, it is my blog). </div>
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This is why I should stop watching anything vaguely romantic. Crazy ideas get in my mind and I start comparing myself to fictional characters. <i>Their life is scripted. </i>Sometimes you can forget that about a film.</div>
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-89715028635125044042015-04-08T01:04:00.003+01:002015-04-08T01:04:51.854+01:00The best people in life are free<div style="text-align: center;">
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I realise it has been quite a while, and for that, I am sorry. Or perhaps, you have not missed me at all? Is it not presumptuous of me to assume that many of you will be refreshing my blog for just one more post/sentence/word from me, a tear dropping on your keyboard each time nothing comes around? What a strange and sad image. Well, if you were like that (which I doubt), then wipe those tears off your keyboard! For here is Mabel, back in Birmingham after another term at University. You may be pleased to hear that it's all going well. I love the friends I have made and Bristol is the most amazing city, you should all come. But now I'm back in Bham, everything seems far more complicated. </div>
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I have realised that being away from home can make you over-emphasise how great it was. While talking to my new friends in Bristol I would go on and on about an individual person ('oh, so and so does the funniest thing') and then you come back and all the shit rushes back. Of course I love it here as well. I love my family and my friends, but they're not normal. Well, who is? But being away, and comparing it with other people's family's that you don't know can make you think they are amazing. What I seemed to mainly forget was how dramatic my group of friends are. It's as if they thrive off drama, meaning they make it worse than it actually is. Why can't people just be easy on themselves and on others? Why does everything always have to be such a big deal? Ever since college I have lived my life assuming that everything will be crap, therefore, when it comes to it, it is crap but you're fine because you expected it, or it is better than you thought. For me, that makes life easier. If you have read my other blog posts you would probably know that is my mantra to living. Once you realise that life is shit, everything gets a tiny bit easier. </div>
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I just wish others felt the same. When I have told people this the usual reply is that it's sad. Of course it is! But that's what life is! Life is filled with sad moments, however, once we realise this, the happy moments come as a shock and become more important to us. This year I began losing this though. I began getting my hopes up about situations and making little stories in my head before they happened. Of course, these narratives never happened (because that's not how life works, it's unfair) and I started to get very low. I had a constant numbing pain in my stomach and my head began comparing myself to others around me, making me dislike them while they did nothing wrong. I should have written a blog post instead of keeping it inside because it grew and grew until I broke down in the middle of a cafe with a friend. Luckily, the embarrassment of my tears made me realise how stupid it was to feel the way I did. Crying does not show weakness. Crying is strength. Crying makes you vulnerable in a way that screams, 'yes, I am being brave as I am showing you my emotions!' Most of all, crying lets all the bad thoughts out. What I'm trying to say is that if you've felt anxiety recently, have a good cry. I wouldn't necessarily suggest in a cafe in front of a lot of people, but perhaps with the closest person you know. Or if not, when you're alone, because even that takes strength, to reveal your emotions to yourself. </div>
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Quite often these feelings can come from other people. Recently many of my friends have mentioned how someone's reaction to their feelings made them feel incredibly shit. What I'd also like you to realise (other than that life is shit) is that people are shit. People are great as well. But a lot of them are shit. You will be able to find the right people. But also, <i>everyone </i>is selfish one way or another. Everyone includes you and me. We never realise how much we affect other people because we're too busy thinking about whether we've done the right thing or not. Which may seem nice, and it is, but does this not also feed someone's ego? I don't mean to quote the most high culture sitcom of the 20th century, <i>Friends (</i>please note the sarcasm<i>)</i>, but there's the whole episode where Phoebe tries to do good for others without building her own ego and it's impossible. But not only that, people are often thinking about themselves before thinking about others. Once we realise that the whole world doesn't revolve around ourselves, perhaps then it'll be simpler. But til then, we must not get bogged down when someone hasn't lived up to our standards of how they should be. Something might be amazing/stressful/important to you which is mediocre to someone else. </div>
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I feel like this blog post was filled with many ideas that could be used in more than one post. But as I hadn't written in a while, I wanted to get it all down now! I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense, I'm tired and my head is filled with nonsense. I will try to keep up with the blog!</div>
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-78005008174785478362015-01-26T20:05:00.000+00:002015-01-26T20:05:29.380+00:00It takes guts to be gentle and kind<div style="text-align: center;">
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I seem to be watching a lot of group panels of women in the Film and TV industry. Obviously, I watched <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jaWzNu8Buo" target="_blank">the Hollywood Reporter roundtables</a> with Reese Witherspoon - whom I now have a new found respect for - and Julianna Moore - who I've always had respect for. But I also watched the likes of Mindy Kaling and Lena Dunham talking about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?x-yt-cl=84503534&v=MMKN9Vx85mc&x-yt-ts=1421914688" target="_blank">writing</a> TV shows and films and when they were talking I just felt completely and utterly jealous. I realised that's what I want to do. These women are so influential to me and so many other young women worldwide and I just can't help but feel that it would be the greatest feeling. <div>
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Mindy and Lena make they're shows real life (Lena in particular) by showing on-screen what no one usually talks about. This resonates with me so much because it makes me realise that what I thought was 'weird' is actually completely normal - it's society who is weird. They, and many other female writers, come under so much scrutiny because of this though, because apparently it's 'too much information'. But since when was information too much? Surely what we all want is to learn. To learn about different experiences, different cultures different ideas. <i>Girls </i>and <i>The Mindy Project </i>teach us these things, and as a young female, I need to hear it to know I'm not the only one.</div>
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That's what is so amazing about art in general - it makes you feel apart of something. You realise you're not the only one feeling a specific way. All I want in life is for more people to appreciate humanities and the arts. Being an English student can be hard. The question 'what do you study?' Sometimes haunts me, because you can't tell how they're going to react. A lot of this generation is obsessed with getting a job and this makes me incredibly sad. Why can't people do things because they love it? I'm sick of people asking me what I'm going to do with my degree after I've finished University because right now, I'm grateful that I'm even here in the first place.</div>
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So many people don't have an education in this world, and I feel many people take their's for granted. An education is the most important thing that we go through. It is a chance to discover worlds outside of your own and find your likes and dislikes. I feel most people now have a one-track mind and are not appreciating what is around them. Sometimes I do have doubts about everything though. What am I going to do? Am I just wasting my time while everyone else is working for the future? But I love English. Don't let those bullies get into your brain!</div>
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See, you don't have to be famous to be ridiculed and judged. We're all human. Read a book, it'll help you realise that and you'll gain so much empathy for people. In my view, that's the ticket to being a nice person - fully understanding how other's are feeling and adjusting yourself to fit with them. </div>
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-21007939963445907222015-01-11T20:33:00.000+00:002015-01-11T20:33:00.219+00:00Dear Taylor Swift<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Dear Taylor,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I wasn't sure if I should do this seeing as a letter is quite personal, but I liked the idea that because there would be no chance of you actually reading this, then others can. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I have been a fan of yours for a very long time now. While I have enjoyed other artists in the past, I always manage to come back to your music and I still get the same feelings now, when I'm eighteen as I did when I was thirteen. I like how I feel that I have grown up with you, from the fairytales to the more mature, pop sound. However, I've noticed there are so many things that I haven't experienced in your songs that, at this present moment in my life, I wish I had because it just makes me feel like I'm stuck as that thirteen year-old hopeless romantic. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In September I started University without ever having a boyfriend, and only having kissed two people when I was stupidly drunk on a holiday with my friends (I still have a feeling of dread whenever I think about it). What I'm trying to say is, I've not even been close to having boyfriend. When I come back from University, I dread the question, 'so...any boys?' because the answer is always the same blunt no. I've learnt how to quickly change the subject whenever it comes around but obviously what I really want to do is talk endlessly with my friends about boys and advice, but I've never had the chance. Instead, I listen to all my friends discuss it while I get smaller and smaller until I'm practically invisible. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Now, I don't want this worry to take over my life, it just makes the same question whirl around my brain - 'What's wrong with me?'. I know so many people go through this and I don't know whether it's because all my friends are now talking about relationships, or if your music has made me realise how little I actually relate to it, or perhaps it's the fact my brother has been with his girlfriend for 6 years when they met when they were 16. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about it and feeling sick when discussions come around. If there is one thing I can relate to in your song 'Blank Space', it's the lyric 'I get drunk on jealousy'. There doesn't seem to be anything that I can properly relate to. No TV series, no music, no book. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I love your message of being single and having your friends, because I've always felt that. I have the greatest friends ever and they remind me a lot of your group, but I can't help but think the difference is, you've been in love, you've had that feeling - I haven't and I, rather stupidly, want it. I'm that kind of girl who's fine with being on her own, because she doesn't know any different - I want to have that difference. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I hate that I'm writing a letter to you about this because it's not until now, when I've moved away, that I've started to realise how unlucky in love I am. I have made great friends at University, so it's not that I'm lonely. I think it's because I'm nearly 19 and have never been in a relationship, while everyone else around me has. I know you're great at your advice about this kind of thing, so I felt you were the best to write to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">From,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Your best friend you never knew about.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">PS - I always knew you were a feminist, I have written so many things arguing that you are. Thanks for finally voicing it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A slightly different blog post today. I have had this idea for a while now and I think I might do more but with different people in the public eye where I ask for their advice. Seeing as Taylor Swift has always been my number one, I felt she should be first. I think my next letter will be to Lorelai Gilmore, so yes, fictional characters are included. I hope you like this letter thing, and obviously, if you have any advice for me, give me a shout. </span><br />
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<br />Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-67302849747917298912014-12-17T18:40:00.000+00:002014-12-17T18:40:44.413+00:00Random Chat<div style="text-align: center;">
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I write this while listening to 'Blood on the Tracks' on my record player, in my grimy student kitchen having only eaten four digestives all day. I have no idea what this is going to turn into but sometimes they can be the best blog posts. Obviously I haven't been writing much recently, and the last thing I did write wasn't seen by many people which made me realise that I'm distancing myself a bit from my blog - which I don't want to happen. I love writing. I love reading other blog posts. I love looking back at my own blog posts and laughing at my, slightly depressing, and melodramatic teenage self'; but we all go through it. I remember when I got messages from you guys saying that you understood what I was going through and I felt like I was a martyr for my generation, despite only getting these messages from a handful of girls. That was enough though. I thought I had realised my calling, then I realised I couldn't get any real money out of this; I'm never going to be the next 'Zoella' (first of all, my hair tutorials would be me brushing my hair). Now I'm at University watching everyone else look like they know what they want to do, getting the right experience, and I spend most of my time in my bedroom putting off getting a job just in case it might get in the way of essay writing(!)<br />
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So, it seems that I've finished my first term at University and it still feels very strange. It also turns out that my worries are still exactly the same; I have no idea what I want to do with my life and it looks like everyone around me does. I like to hope that they're the same as me but University is full of people who have their head on straight and are aiming towards a goal they (or their parents) have wanted them to do since they were eight years old. While they charge towards that goal, I stay in doors and watch two or three episodes of Gilmore Girls in one night.<br />
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I guess I must think that everything will just work out, but deep down I know it won't. Just getting your degree works for no one, unless your dad happens to be Clint Eastwood or your mum's Meryl Streep. Sadly, neither are my parents. What I'm trying to say is <i>it's not what you know, </i>but I'm really trying to fight that. I want to <i>know, </i>I want to be educated, I want to be cultured. What's wrong with that? I have grown up in a family that emphasises the importance of education (both my parents are English teachers), but not only schooling education, life education. Life education, in the sense that it's important to be cultured and artistic. As my ultimate gal, Taylor Swift says, 'Life is just a classroom.' Obviously a huge way to learn about life is to get a job. I have worked in Oxfam before, that's about it. (The job in the future prospects are looking good aren't they..). But again, I'd like to emphasise the point that I didn't have a job at A Level because my mum wanted me to focus on my studies. If I had I don't think I would have got into Bristol, but who knows?<br />
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I just wish I had the confidence to write for the newspaper here. I used to blame it on the fact that I had no ideas, but after three months I know that was just a lie. If you ever think of anything I could write about, send me an email, it would be much appreciated. So I guess this blog post was a way to reflect on the past three months. University can be great. It can also be extremely lonely, you just have to get used to those juxtapositions. I also thought (like I did with college), that I would at least have some romantic adventures, but just as normal, that hasn't happened. I don't know what's wrong. I don't know what is so repulsive about me but I'm still as single as ever while I watch all my other friends do what 'normal' teenagers do. I'm not too fussed about it though. I'm actually quite happy in my own skin, of course I have faults, we all do, just the romantic change would be nice. I also hate the pitying look and the awful way people say 'I'll try and find you someone' as if I'm useless and can't do it myself....(I have no idea where to start though..).<br />
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What I'm trying to say is, if you also haven't had any romantic engagements, join the club! There's a bunch of us! Mindy Kaling lost her virginity when she was 22 and Lena Dunham was also well into her twenties. There's never any rush, we just have to keep positive that it will happen one day...Right now, I prefer to focus on more important things, like records, reading and Gilmore Girls (I desperately tried to think of another 'R' but there was nothing! I couldn't write 'Rory' because she's my least favourite character). I'm not sure I really like how this blog post finished. I don't want people to think I'm so lonely person desperate for love, that's not the case! Just recently I have been thinking about it and observing other people (not in a creepy, stalkerish way). I just observe other situations and realise I don't want that.<br />
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-60668420968921789202014-11-23T18:19:00.000+00:002014-11-23T18:19:00.229+00:00Awakening<div style="text-align: center;">
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Well, it's been a long time hasn't it? I don't know how it came to be such a long time since I wrote my last blog post. Each day comes and goes as quickly as the last and from reading to writing essays, it's been hard to keep up! As you probably all know, I'm currently studying English at the University of Bristol, and despite my rather ambiguous last post (hey, I'm and English student, I live for ambiguity!) I am actually having a good time. I've met some great people who are very similar to me and Bristol is an amazingly vibrant and bright city. Weekends can be quite slow, however, as my main friend and flatmate is usually working through the day until midnight and other people are stuck with work: after Fresher's week, life continues!<br />
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As I've already said, we've had a lot of stressful essays to do already and before I break up I have two more: one 2500 word essay and one 4000 word essay. They really are sticking us in the deep end! We've been doing a poetry module which I'm loving. I've found a new found love for Keats and have decided that if more people were like him, the world would be a much better place. I also have written my first ever poem today as it was a task set by my tutor. I'll write it up at the bottom of the blog post. It's based on the book The Awakening by Kate Chopin which I am meant to have read for my Critical Issues seminar. For all you feminists out there, I strongly recommend this short story. It's about a woman in the Victorian times who doesn't seem to fit into that whole 'ideal woman' category they had going on back then. I get the impression a lot of you would enjoy reading it.<br />
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That's the best thing about doing English at University, I've come to find so many books and poems that I never thought I would be interested in. The worst thing, however, is if you're like me and not very good at voicing your opinions then that needs practice. In my seminars I am usually quiet until I know exactly what I want to say in my head. I have been known to have a mini panic attack when I don't say anything. I'll sit there and all of a sudden my heart will beat faster, my breath will shorten and my head will go dizzy. Luckily I've managed to learn how to stop it: just keep breathing. Don't expect too much of yourself. Everyone is in the same boat.<br />
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I still seem to constantly compare myself with others. I haven't found the best society for me just yet. I've been going to a film society but it doesn't feel very 'social'. All my other friends have found a society that they do a lot with and are getting great experience from. I hate that I'm already worrying about the future, but it's even harder when it seems that everyone else knows exactly what they're doing. I'm sure that's not the case, but I'll sit in constant worry about how I'm wasting my time here, not getting the most out of it. It's hard when you don't know what to do with that. I've tried to pluck up the courage to write for the newspaper but am unable to figure out what to write about. Any suggestions would be very helpful. One of my friends is really into drama and I would go along if I wasn't so worried about the auditions as I have no idea what to expect.<br />
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One thing I have realised is Bristol University is filled with a lot of poshos. Luckily, I haven't had to endure much conversation with them as, for some reason, as soon as I say I'm from Birmingham they fuck off. I hate witnessing privileged people talk about their 'gap yahs' and be happy because 'daddy payed off their student loan in one go'. Sadly, that's what English is filled with: which was inevitable. All I can say is, whoever came up with 'It's not what you know, it's who you know' should be the ambassador of the working classes. After this degree I can already picture myself on the dole, living at home while I watch all my friends succeed. Call me a pessimist, but I call myself a realist.<br />
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Sorry for being away so long, I'll try and remember to do more. I decided to write again because I checked my blog and <a href="http://rosalindis.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">Rosie</a> had written a comment about missing my posts. Thanks for that Rosie, I really appreciate it as I had lost heart with this blog recently.<br />
Here's a present for you, my poem:<br />
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<u style="text-align: justify;">The Awakening</u><br />
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Are you the saint you were meant to be?</div>
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With secrets in the attic and doubts in</div>
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Your mind, which whirl and wave like the sea</div>
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Of faith, such beauty filled with sin.</div>
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What is your role, what is your claim?</div>
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The silent grief that marks your woe</div>
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Makes side remarks, who is to blame?</div>
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Yourself or the heart of your beau?</div>
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But why does it matter, it's not your part.</div>
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A cast of angels and innocents are</div>
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Obtuse and opaque compared to your art,</div>
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If only others say the life from that far.</div>
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Your choice, your gain, forget your foolish spouse,</div>
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Say goodbye to the <i>angel</i> in the house.</div>
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<br />Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-34614432614754158572014-09-27T14:47:00.000+01:002014-10-05T19:18:52.382+01:00A Room Without A View<div style="text-align: center;">
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I have officially been at the University of Bristol for a week and it's been rather crazy. After having a relatively quiet and sad first day, as I only had two other people in my flat (one never leaving his room and the other being completely wet) the week has become marginally better. One more person arrived, a girl this time, who I actually have a lot in common with and who actually wants to go out and be social. However, I constantly have this paranoia that everyone I tag along with is annoyed with me. My flat is quiet. We don't usually pre-drink together because half the people don't even want to go out so we find another flat. That's where I feel unwanted.<br />
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I live in the city centre with a lot of noise and a car park to look out on too, but I'm used to it being from the big city Birmingham. I look around and I feel like everyone has made best friends already and I'm sat in my room going insane and still watching Friends reruns. I'm really trying my best though. I have met some great people but you know when someone gives you a look or says something weird and you become incredibly uncomfortable? Yeah, that happens to me a lot. I think I must blow it straight out of proportion. Everyone's nervous, everyone's uncomfortable, everyone's new. So, I have kept trying and I've had some great nights.<br />
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The other day I felt a bit low. I've already got 'fresher's flu' and I was feeling lonely. But it is getting easier. I feel way more comfortable in my flat now - I was just watching Friends in the kitchen in a rather unflattering position and didn't give two shits what anyone thought! I just wish I had a more of a 'family flat' which everyone else seems to have. There I go again, comparing myself to everyone else. But I do feel like I'm getting better. Rather than letting that paranoia and jealousy eat me away, I've fought it. I still constantly text people to ask what they're doing. I still invite people out. I still tag along. And because I do that, I've had some great nights. I just really don't want another dreadful three years after my years at college.<br />
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Bristol is beautiful. I've already fallen in love with all the buildings and rivers and boats and cafes and bars and pubs and amazing things. There's always something to do here...However, there is a massive hill up to the university that will be the death of me. I wonder if Kate Bush was thinking about this hill when writing 'Running up that Hill' because my god, it is huge. Luckily, doing English means I'm only in 7 hours a week (I know and I'm paying £9000 a year) so less time for me to walk up that hill. I've come to every lecture so far drenched in sweat. Not a good first impression. (It's really not, people actively don't talk to me because of it but they're bitches). One bit of advice, don't bother with bitches. Work out who are the twats early on and don't spend time with them. You're amazing and they're not worth it.<br />
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Well, this blog post was a bit all over the place, which is just like my brain right now. I'm still settling in but I felt that I should write something to let you guys know how it's going. I'm sorry about this being so dreadful. Better post next time! I promise!<br />
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<br />Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-87465644510763017422014-09-02T16:28:00.000+01:002014-09-02T16:28:00.577+01:00Music makes everything a bit better<div style="text-align: center;">
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I'll be leaving for the University of Bristol in less than a month. Everything is seriously changing and I'm so scared. I have no idea what to expect. I constantly think that no one's going to like me or I'm not going to like them. I worry that I'm going to have a terrible time. The only thing keeping me going is the thought that I'm not alone. Everyone else in my boat is scared and to know that is very reassuring.<br />
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I'm going to be doing English which strives on the thoughts and feelings of all different people and cultures, so when you discover a book/song/film that talks about everything you're going through, it feels good. I like that I'll be doing a subject that requires empathy rather than, how can I say, 'selfishness'? I just feel that society claims to encourage people to do what they want, but people fall at the first hurdle and do things that are easy to get a job. People miss out on what they truly love and are interested in, and in turn, they make fun of those people that are doing something they love.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I still freak about the future and worry about getting a job. (After having two parents as teachers I really don't want to be one). But we've also got into a trap that says science is the only way to get good jobs...sometimes I think it's true. Only because, it's not what you know, it's who you know. It's all about connections, especially in the arts. I have no connections, but the ever changing world of technology has technically helped me in some way. If this was 100 years ago, I'm sure I wouldn't be going to University, let alone writing my own blog that people actually read! I hope this will help in some way for my future, 'til now, I've got to focus on what's happening now rather than worrying about the future.<br />
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Here are a few songs that I listen to when I'm in need of some encouragement. I hope you enjoy them but also, send me some of your favourite songs that really help when you're feeling down.<br />
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Don't Give Up - Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush</div>
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I Don't Blame You - Cat Power</div>
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Laura - Bat For Lashes</div>
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Unfucktheworld - Angel Olsen</div>
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God Only Knows - The Beach Boys</div>
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Here, There and Everywhere - The Beatles</div>
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The Blues are Still Blue - Belle and Sebastian</div>
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Don't Think Twice, It's Alright - Bob Dylan</div>
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Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths</div>
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Where do the children play? - Cat Stevens</div>
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Dreams - Fleetwood Mac</div>
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Moments of Pleasure - Kate Bush</div>
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Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole - Martha Wainwright</div>
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(Must end on the ultimate 'fuck you' song)</div>
Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-86609016960886496692014-08-12T14:47:00.001+01:002014-08-12T14:47:26.696+01:00Uncertainty<div style="text-align: center;">
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When I was in nursery, my parents were told that I had the capacity to enjoy myself in any situation. My mum likes to repeat that statement because it's usually true. In the past I have even won prizes because of this - in year 3 we went on a trip to a car museum (the most dull place on earth) but for some reason I had a really great day (I even took a picture of a road because I found it so exciting) and because of this I won 'pupil of the day' and a t-shirt. Then again in year 5 I won 'star of the year' at school (all while experiencing my world falling apart at home). But now I fear that part of me is fading and I'm desperately trying to hold on.<br />
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I have just been on holiday with my friends in Portugal. While I was happy with my company, it wasn't the most enjoyable experience for me. After experiencing a panic attack on the first day, I was wary about the whole situation. So while I suffered in silence, my friends shouted "I LOVE LIFE" to strangers and had the best week of their lives. It's nice to observe but there comes a time when you've had enough and want someone to understand how you're feeling...even while not really knowing yourself how you feel and why you feel this way.<br />
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At first I thought it was jealousy. I have spoken a lot on this blog about my feelings on jealousy, so you should all know it's the worst feeling. After living with my family for eighteen years, there was no way I could escape thinking life is "beautiful" - instead I see it as all meaningless, just like Woody Allen said, "the future is just the same as the past but longer." So could you blame me for being jealous of my friends' optimistic views on life? Or maybe I'm right and it's stupid to be optimistic and I'll end up having the last laugh? Either way, they're happy now and I'm not so sure what I am.<br />
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My mum has always said that once you understand everything is meaningless, everything gets easier. She's told people at her work this theory who have actively come back to her and thanked her for this revelation. While I completely understand where she's coming from, what if I don't want to think everything is meaningless? I mean, I'm an 18 year old woman. Am I not meant to have the whole world ahead of me? Or is that just a stupid thing to say? My head is stuck in an endless cycle of questions that I don't (and probably will never) know the answer to.<br />
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I have it in my mind that only positive people get ahead. I have this picture of me in twenty years time, meeting my friends and they have a great job, a big family, and are happy and successful, and I'm exactly the same. Drowning in my thoughts, not getting on. Perhaps I'm being brain-washed by the media who want us to feel being positive is the only way to get ahead just to help out the big guys - that's always my go to answer because it's usually true. Or perhaps everyone worries about this. The future is so uncertain to everyone so if it is all meaningless, this worrying is all for nothing and I'll never get this 30 minutes back.<br />
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Sorry for the stress induced from this post. I have my A Level results coming out on Thursday and, to put it mildly, I am shitting myself. I also haven't been writing because my laptop has been broken but now it's fixed! So more posts will be coming from me soon.<br />
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<br />Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-51442568718575367812014-07-08T16:21:00.000+01:002014-07-08T16:21:20.255+01:00The Ballad of Maggie O'Hara<div style="text-align: center;">
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I had a rush of inspiration this morning and decided to write a story. I feel that someone one day should write a modern version of 'Tess of the D'Urbervilles' as it still fits with today's society and it would just be so good. Anyway, with that in mind, I have written a little fictional tale about my heroine: Maggie O'Hara. Please, tell me what you think. I rarely write stories but I would like to do it more.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Maggie O’Hara stared at the shapes formed by the iron filings next to the magnet. She made out an image of a lone lion that was staring right back at her. When her brothers and sisters had had enough, Maggie put them away but that image was stuck in her mind and would for many years to come.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Maggie was the oldest of five children whom she had to take care of when their parents worked extra night shifts to get more money, this being one of those nights. However, this time she received a text from her friend asking her to come out. Despite knowing she shouldn’t, she waited until she could hear the slow rhythm of sleeping children snoring and snuck out into the darkness which swallowed her whole. <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>This was not like Maggie. Perhaps she was tired of missing out or she needed to escape from her claustrophobic, prison-like home. Either way, as she was running to greet her friends, she felt the soft prick of the night’s cool air on her face. Protectively beside her she saw the lion running with her, the paws thumping in a chanting rhythm. She cracked a smile as she ran with the beast feeling free.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As Maggie and her friends entered the club, Maggie felt like someone was watching her. Assuming it was just guilt for leaving home, she brushed it off and carried on dancing. However, in the dark corners of the room, a tall, ghostly man had spotted her and could not look away. Watching her dance perfectly to the beat of the music was hypnotising, like a feather floating perfectly with the wind. It was as if everything had slowed down and he could even see the soft hairs on her arms swaying to the rhythm. She danced like a dream and he was unable to look away.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Maggie noticed the man staring and she suddenly became very still and anxious. She was here to have a good time with friends and she didn’t want anyone to ruin that. Maggie walked to the bar to get him off her mind and ordered a drink, unaware that the man was also on the move.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Maggie felt a gentle brush on her hips and turned around. There, standing in front of her, was the man in the corner. Up close he was handsome with piercing blue eyes and a subtle beard that made him look manly, but there was an essence to him that made Maggie’s soft brown eyes turn sharp and scared. She turned back to the bar, trying to ignore him, when he moved a section of her hair away from her ear which made her stop dead still as he whispered, “let me buy that for you.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>There was a hint of laughter behind his speech making Maggie feel more wary. She looked straight past him to catch a glimpse of someone she knew but she couldn’t against the crowd of people dancing. She looked up at him with her innocent eyes and agreed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>She quietly gave thanks and started to leave when she was pulled back harshly by her wrist,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>“Hey! You owe me a dance!” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The man looked at her as if she was his prey. Brushing his hand off her wrist, she shouted over the music, “I don’t owe you anything,” and turned back into the crowds of people as the man watched her leave.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Maggie found her friends but decided not to tell them what happened. Instead, she continued to dance and held the tears back, feeling completely degraded and small.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It had passed 2am when Maggie became tired and her mind was clouded by the alcohol. She stumbled to the toilet on her own and sat in the cubicle trying to regain her thoughts. The graffiti written on the cubicle door was spinning but she thought she could just make out the letters, ‘S.O.S,’ which imprinted on her brain. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>When she left the toilet she felt a warm hand on her shoulder guiding her to follow. She suddenly felt the hit of the cold night air on her bare skin making her feel extremely vulnerable. She had no idea who she was with, where she was, or where her friends were and the alcohol she had consumed meant she could not find out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>She felt a hard push on her chest as she hit a wall behind her causing panic to rush around her. The hand that felt like a safe guide was now touching her in places she had never been touched before. She was unable to move, the fear that consumed her had glued her feet to the floor, making them heavy like bricks. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Her skin felt delicate against the cold, hard wall she was leaning against. Her eyes were wide with fear as the dark silhouette had begun to form in front of her and she saw those two blue eyes that had drowned her mind in the club before. Her mouth began to form a scream which was cut short by his rough hand, leaving him to only see her brown eyes full of fear. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The night had surrounded them. The man could not be seen by anyone and Maggie could not be saved. She felt the hard thrusts form a rhythm of constant pain all over her body making it become weaker and weaker at each hit. His eyes stared constantly at her which had formed salty tears that landed on her hand that was still on her mouth.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>There was nothing she could do. She felt hopeless and stupid as she saw the once protective lion look on at her pityingly as she was bound to the male hand’s of a stranger. </span><br />
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-14295097382204579912014-06-23T16:15:00.000+01:002014-06-23T16:15:10.145+01:00The Other Side<div style="text-align: center;">
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It's a week today since my last exam. I've spent my freedom reading, thinking and going out 'til 4am with my friends. I guess, at 18, I finally feel like a <i>proper</i> teenager. But all these late nights have finally caught up on me and I'm tired all the time. I guess it's good I decided to save the late nights until after college. It seems I have this weird thing where I think I'm different to how I actually am. I think I'm better and I ooze that confidence when I'm out, but it doesn't fit. It's not my personality, but my looks. I just can't decide if it's a good thing or not?<br />
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We will never be able to see ourselves, only our reflections and pictures - to me, that seems really strange. I wouldn't ever say I'm the best looking person, because I'm not, I've never thought that, but I do always think I'm better than I actually am. When I walk down the street, I don't think about my chunky thighs banging together, or my round tummy wobbling. I imagine myself as someone else, someone that doesn't exist, someone with a lot of confidence, who can get up in the morning and leave the house with a smile on their face. I don't do it in order to do those things, I just naturally picture myself like that. Sadly, you can imagine my disappointment when I expect so much but get so little because of my imagination.<br />
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You can imagine my shock when I see photographs of myself, or I look in the mirror. But even then, I don't <i>hate </i>myself. But I don't change myself when I know I can and probably should. I have one life, or so they say, and this is what I'm trapped in. I think this persona I have in my mind is me, just not who I'm projecting. Sometimes I feel like unzipping this current layer and stepping out as the person I assume I am - but it's never that easy. It seems this is similar to the 'fake it 'til you make it' saying - perhaps this is what I'm doing. Or maybe I'm just mental.<br />
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Perhaps I don't ooze this confidence, but I feel like I do. I'm an introvert, sometimes. It always depends who I'm with. With my friends, I breakout of my shell and this is when I'm this 'other' person. I do like to think that this must be the real me. I feel like this is what Allen Ginsberg was like, or maybe he really was just a confident, pretentious twat. Or the same with any other poet, writer. I feel like you need this other side of yourself because without it, will be ever have art with meaning? If people were fully their confident type, art would be selfish. Without confidence, we would live a lifeless existence without literature to get us through it.<br />
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Well, I don't know where my mind is going with this. I didn't plan for that ending, that's for sure. Maybe it's because I recently finished an amazing book (<b>The Song Of Achilles by Madeline Miller)</b> which I think you should all read. If you've read a really good book recently, please recommend it to me, I'm in need, now I've finished my book, I don't really know what to do with myself. Also, now I've finished with my a levels, maybe you'll be seeing more of me...or maybe I'll still be stuck in my writer's block. Either way, keep sending me messages to inspire me please.<br />
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(Just had to, look at that moustache - oh and relationship like Paul and Linda's please: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm2YyVZBL8U" target="_blank">favourite song at the moment</a>.)</div>
Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-20056898837718058582014-05-24T00:12:00.002+01:002014-05-24T00:12:45.101+01:00The green eyed monster inside me<div style="text-align: center;">
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It was my last day of college today. Two years of boredom and unhappiness have finished in a flash. I remember myself two years ago. I thought everything would change for me. Thanks to college, I now don't get my hopes up for anything - it means I'm never fully disappointed. But I'm the type of person that feels so much, while I experience so little. Perhaps I don't take enough risks. Perhaps I'm too shy. Either way, I'm very underwhelmed by it all.<br />
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I'm a hopeless romantic who's hopeless with love. I've gone through life watching everyone else experience the things <i>I</i> want to do, but I've just stayed put. Instead, I feed my emotions with exaggerated shit just to feel something new. Romantic films, books, music. You name it, I've used it. My mind has been drowned with romanticised views on love that will never happen, so I'm constantly let down. While I've stopped getting my hopes up, when I see it happening around me, I get so jealous it's hard to hide it.<br />
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I read <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying" target="_blank">something</a> this week by a nurse who recorded the most common regrets of people on their deathbeds. One which stuck with me was 'I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.' To me, that means taking risks. Opening up with people, but I always stay so guarded. I felt I took a major risk going to a different college to my friends, but that turned out to be foolish. In turn, no one knew the real me while I was there. I never made 'friends for life', in fact, I disliked most of the people. I know that was my own fault.<br />
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It's like one huge cycle. I take a risk, I close off, I dislike the people, I notice other people make friends, I get jealous. But we're all learning. It's all human nature, but in return, we learn from these mistakes. However, from looking at my past notebook entries, I don't always change. It's funny to see I've written the same things down from 5 years ago, 3 years ago to now. History, for me, really is repeating itself.<br />
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I still have my exams left, but technically I'm done. "The end of an era" is a common thing I've heard from people. Really though? Two years and nothing happened.Well, I did find a new love for David Lynch. I started to fully appreciate more literature. I realised that my parent's music really is a cut above the rest. But most of all, I did grow up. I am a different person despite my inexperiences. One person who has experienced one thing, may not have experienced what I have. We're all different and I need to stop comparing myself with you all...and you're the same.<br />
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-64013521563975982672014-03-27T21:47:00.001+00:002014-03-27T21:47:40.517+00:00Writer's blockI have a severe case of writer's block and have for a few weeks now. I'm currently home alone on a Thursday night and I have just watched the last episode of Girls series three and now I'm sad. I also have this constant worry about exams which are in eight weeks time but yet I do nothing. I don't ever fancy coming home after crappy college and then going straight into work again. But, who does? As my mad Gran said this morning, "We all have to do things we don't want to do." (She's crazy and selfish so I was surprised by these wise words).<br />
I haven't been able to think of any good ideas for a new blog post. The last post I was happy with was the one about being 'cool' but since then, my morale has just spiraled down. I miss my blog when I first started and I was talking to all you guys and we would give each other awards but now I feel closed off. I miss talking to you and giving advice and asking for advice. I always seem to do that. As soon as I feel comfortable, I start slipping away and need to be dragged back. So if anyone fancies a chat, then I'm up for it. I'm always here.<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">All photos from tumblr of course.</span></div>
Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-39562308625998509242014-03-06T12:03:00.001+00:002014-03-06T12:03:45.579+00:00My youth is gone like a dream...<div style="text-align: center;">
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I finally turned 18 last week! I'm an adult! That must mean that I won't be posting any more blog posts moaning about life...oh wait, I'm still technically a 'teen' and everyone moans about life, not just teenagers, right? Other than turning 18, I've also gone past my 1 year anniversary of having this blog and, oh god, do I moan <i>a lot.</i> But, everyone knows, and seems to forget, it's hard growing up. I had the nicest email from <a href="http://rosalindis.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">Rosalindis</a> last week and it made me realise that I'm not alone in my struggles and that's comforting for me. If anyone else would like to send me an email about anything (nothing rude though) then my email is at the bottom of my blog.<br />
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I do know how lucky I am. I have great friends and through that I have been able to do amazing things with them. One of my friends, for my birthday, got me loads of photographs of our fun times together. While my family were looking through them, each one said how lucky I was and they never had a teenage life like it. I know. I'm super lucky. That doesn't mean that things still don't get me down. Everyone feels down at some point. College gets too stressful or your friends are having an argument. Either way, we all want somewhere to vent...weirdly enough, I choose to do that online where anyone and everyone can read it.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://rosalindis.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">Rosie</a> also said something that made me scream in my head "YES, YES, YES! You get it!" "I<span style="background-color: white;"> guess going over the top is the whole point of being a teenager. If we cant be radical now, then when can we?!" We're all a bunch of mopey teenagers that feel like they have something to say and want to say it. What's the harm in that? And that idea has been going on for centuries. I'm currently doing coursework comparing Charlotte Bronte's 'Jane Eyre' with Jean Rhys' 'Wide Sargasso Sea' and both of those authors were incredibly grumpy. They lived with their heart of their sleeve. My favourite quote by Charlotte Bronte was when it was her birthday she wrote, "</span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">My youth is gone like a dream; and very little use have I ever made of it." I like to think that we're all wearing our hearts on our sleeves like Charlotte.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jean Rhys also said one of my favourite quotes, </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">“When I was excited about life, I didn't want to write at all. I've never written when I was happy. I didn't want to. But I've never had a long period of being happy, Do you think anyone has? I think you can be peaceful for a long time, When I think about it, if I had to choose, I'd rather be happy than write. You see, there's very little invention in my books. What came first with most of them was the wish to get rid of this awful sadness that weighed me down . I found when I was a child that if I could put the hurt into words, it would go. It leaves a sort of melancholy behind and then it goes.”</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> </span></blockquote>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Whenever I write, it's usually because I'm unhappy about something and want to be rid of it. Jean has literally managed to get my whole concept of writing this blog in a paragraph, and I love her for it. I like to think that each generation of teenage girls are filled with hopeless romantics like Jean, Charlotte, me, the people who read my blog and the people I follow. It's not that we're not 'lucky' it's just sometimes life gets us down and we like to write about it. We might over-emphasise a factor of something, but isn't that just to engage the reader more? Isn't that what you do when you're a hopeless romantic?</span></span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> So many people have made a living out of it so we must be doing something right.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f5f8fa; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-66210141246831682812014-02-06T11:33:00.001+00:002014-02-06T11:33:34.102+00:00Fake it 'til you make it?<div style="text-align: center;">
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I'm quite a shy person when it comes to talking to new people. If I'm surrounded by others, then I won't be. It's a strange thing, but I seem to be more confident with people than on my own. Maybe they're a kind of support for me? I don't know. But one thing I do hear often is the phrase - 'Fake it 'til you make it'. And I've struggled to understand it. If you're already shy, how are you able to 'fake it' in the first place?<br />
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If I have to have a one to one meeting with a teacher or something, I automatically feel nervous about it. No matter what it is. In the past, they haven't gone well (with me ending up crying) so maybe I'm haunted by the past. But anyway, yesterday, I had to talk to my vice-principle about something and before going in I had 'fake it 'til you make it' circling in my head. I walked in. Sat down. And fought for what I wanted. I came out and my face was bright red, but at least I didn't cry. Maybe it was because the man I was talking to was really patronising and I felt that I had to show him that I can speak up for myself. Or maybe I did in fact....fake it. Either way, I got the outcome I wanted.<br />
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But in the past I've pondered on this phenomenon. It doesn't make sense to me that someone who is naturally shy would be able to fake it. I have some sassy friends who repeat that phrase to me but ever since I've known them, they've always been confident - they couldn't have been faking it when they were eight...could they? I feel so much admiration for them, because to me, being sassy with teachers is hard, but they get their way. I'm confident at home, with my friends, outside of school. But there's something about college/school that makes me quieter.<br />
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College is a place, for me, where I go in, get the stuff done and leave. I work hard and in return, I don't want it to stress me out - even though it of course will. I don't want to be embarrassed by getting a question wrong and I don't want to annoy teachers by pestering them about stupid little things. However, this year, I've started doing those things. Every Friday I go and pester my tutor to ask if I have to go to tutorial that day and even if the outcome isn't what I wanted, I'm pleased I did it. I still rarely ask teachers for help but I do have a rapport with them, which is hard in a class of thirty.<br />
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What I guess I'm trying to say is that, I don't think I'm 'faking it', I think I'm growing up. Talking to grown ups gets easier once you get older and I seem to have only realised that after my meeting yesterday. I'm actually so proud of myself. My 15 year old self would have given in but here I am, two years on and I now have less stress to deal with. I don't think I'm going to suddenly become really confident in classes but I'll get there in the end. It turns out instead of faking it, I have to wait to make it.<br />
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-73519496616576231372014-01-26T21:08:00.001+00:002014-01-26T21:34:14.825+00:00Inside a lazy person's mind<div style="text-align: center;">
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I saw 'Inside Llewyn Davis' last night and it seems that the Coen Brothers have done it again. Their parents must be so fucking proud. I now long to live in New York and write films, however, I doubt that will ever happen. Unlike the Joel Coen, I didn't work at the age of eight to save up to buy a camera and then make remakes of films I had already seen. Instead, I had no idea what I wanted to do. Who does at the age of eight? I went from pop star, to hairdresser, to writer (to be honest I still want to be this) to actress (and this). I change my mind so often that I've started to put off things because I think I'll change my mind again. Or maybe I put off things because I'm lazy...that seems more likely.<br />
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Everything for Llewyn Davis was just going wrong. No one would buy his music. Everyone around him was doing well. And he just spent his time finding sofas to sleep on for the night at someone's house. I felt so much empathy for him. I constantly feel like everyone else is doing so well and I'm stuck in a rut. Perhaps everyone feels this way - which I can see to be true. But even though everything seemed to be going wrong for Llewyn, he never seemed to give up. Not properly anyway. I, however, give up on things very easily. Even if I enjoy them. If they take up too much time, I'll stop doing it. If it's hard work, I'll stop doing it. Yes, it seems I am the epitome of a lazy person.<br />
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Maybe if I lived in New York it would be different. Maybe if I saw everyone else around me looking like they have a purpose I would keep going. Llewyn may have had it bad, but at least he didn't live in Birmingham. It would be a dream to even visit New York. But I also feel that there's no use having high hopes because they're more likely to crash and burn and make you feel worse. I, instead, make out that everything is going to be rubbish. A party. A result. A college day. So that when it happens, it's not as bad as I thought. If that makes me a pessimist, at least I get happy from the outcome.<br />
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Even though I know I'm lazy and I give up, I still keep doing it. However, when I'm 80 years old, I don't think I'll feel like I did nothing with my life. Not everyone can be Nelson Mandela. We must look at the small victories. For example, at the moment, my blog makes me feel like I'm doing something productive. It's helping my writing and the comments make me feel like I'm helping people. I just feel like people need to know they're not the only ones feeling the way they do, so that's why I write honest blog posts. So far, I've done this for nearly a year and I've kept up with it. I've had rocky moments but I've always come back.<br />
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Anyway, I highly recommend that you go and see Inside Llewyn Davis. It's perfect. The music in it was so amazing to watch, instead of cutting it half way through, they play the whole song. The best scene though is definitely when Oscar Isaac, Justin Timberlake and Adam Driver sing a song called 'Please Mr Kennedy.' Me and my brother have been singing it for nearly a week now and it never gets old. It's on youtube if you want to check it out - it won't ruin the film for you. The film is just really funny and relatable. Life's tough.<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">All pictures from Tumblr, you can tell I'm lazy because I can't be bothered to get the specific links... Maybe instead of Mabel's Mind, my blog url should be 'lazypersonsmind'</span></div>
Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-2278703977002452512014-01-22T11:19:00.002+00:002014-01-22T11:19:50.337+00:00The obsession with 'cool'<div style="text-align: center;">
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Why is everyone obsessed with being cool? If someone isn't cool, people make out that they're not worth talking to. If you don't wear certain clothes, listen to specific music or say the 'coolest' things, then that ultimately means you're not cool. This obsession leaves me filled with anxiety when I do something that I know most people don't see as cool and then I don't know what people want from me! Surely the idea of 'cool' should be an opinion. There's no specific way to be cool because, for me, I see things as cool that no other people would. <div>
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Next Saturday I'm going to see Taylor Swift. Now, I know Rookie and Tavi love Taylor Swift. Lorde is friends with Taylor Swift. The Vaccines are fans of Taylor Swift. Nearly every magazine and newspaper are positive about Taylor Swift. But everyone else doesn't think she's cool. To be honest, I don't necessarily think her music is cool but that's not why I like her. I'm not so obsessed with my appearance or the way people think of me to stop not liking things just because they're not 'cool' in other people's eyes. But I still constantly feel judged. For me, the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgFeZr5ptV8" target="_blank">22 music video</a> is cool. I want to have friends that dance to cheesy songs, eat loads of cake and pizza and just have a fun time not caring about anyone else. Instead, I constantly feel ridiculed by what I like.</div>
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Why can't people forget about their 'coolness' for a while and just have a good time? I think it may be because of who I'm with. People at my college are obsessed with being cool. The way they talk in a really 'hoity toity' (never thought I'd ever use that phrase) way. The way they look at everyone else as if they're much better. The way they actively don't talk to people or make an effort with people just because they're not there version of cool. It makes me sick. </div>
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What's even more annoying is that this idea of cool changes so often. People I know change their opinions so often to fit in with what's cool. Don't get me wrong, I do this too. I change my opinion all the time, but not so it can fit under the category of cool. I just feel that it's hard being a teenager. We already have stress with exams, why create more stress by inventing what's cool and what isn't. Why can't we just like whatever we want without being constantly ridiculed. </div>
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However, what I have also realised is that even the idea of coolness is mocked. I rarely like music from nowadays apart from Taylor Swift and a few exceptions. But I do really like stuff from the 60s, 70s and 80s. The other day I was discussing what music I liked (music seems to be the highest point of what is cool) and I mentioned that I rarely like contemporary music. This came with a sarcastic comment, "oooo you're so indie and hipster." Probably one of the worst things ever to hear at my age, but again, I don't see why. WE CAN NEVER WIN. I don't like the music I like just because it's cool, I like it because it's great and it makes me feel good. Surely that should be why we like things, not because it's cool but because it makes us feel gooooood. </div>
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I wouldn't see my blog as cool, but someone else might. My brother looked at it (without my consent) and mentioned how it was cool but I've never really thought about it. I write about what I'm interested in, what I think others would like to hear and what is circling in my brain at the time. That may be 'cool' but I don't mean it to be. This just seems to add to another stress of being a teenager that I can not be bothered to deal with. Leave a comment if you feel the same as me or have any stories about 'coolness'. As usual, thanks for reading pals.</div>
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-65319919732672028702014-01-06T12:52:00.000+00:002014-01-06T13:01:24.143+00:00I've played all my cards<div style="text-align: center;">
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I always seem to get inspiration for a blog post, a film, a book at night. I don't know whether it's because nothing else around me is happening and it's only me, my bed and my thoughts but I always regret never writing them down (I'm lazy) because I never remember them the next day. Who knows, I could have the answer to the meaning of life but I don't remember it. Sometimes I write notes on my phone when I have a blog post idea and I checked just now but all it has is films I want to watch, books I want to read and Christmas present ideas (how selfish). This isn't going to be one of those cheesy 'new year, new me' things because I've been a new person for seventeen years now and I'm bored. Now I have to focus on A Levels.<br />
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I have all my offers for University. How daunting is that? They've given me grades that I need to achieve by the end of the year but I don't want to think about that. I need to stop thinking about the future and take each day as it comes. Whenever someone says that, I don't really understand what they mean. We all go through each day, we can't ever skip one. 'Live in the moment' is such a cheesy saying that I'm cringing just thinking about it. You can't 'live in the fucking moment' without what happened in the past and what will happen in the future. I'm sick of thinking about what I will achieve when I'm older. What I want to be. Who I want to become. University is a place where people assume their prospects are so high, that everything will work out for them. But as soon as you leave, it's like leaving out the back of a building where it's all dark and mouldy and stinks of shit.<br />
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I'm not being a pessimist. I can't wait for University and the opportunities and all that crap but at the moment I want to take advantage of the fact that I'm still technically a child. I have my parents and friends. I don't feel like that's an unhealthy thought. So many people want to grow up but I'm the opposite, I would happily stay dependent on my mum but I know one day I'll have to walk through the door to the back of the building. But for now, I want to listen to Abba on my new record player and read all the shit books that make me happy and watch my favourite films.<br />
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I hope we all had a good Christmas. I go on YouTube <i>a lot </i>and so many people are doing the 'what they got for christmas' thing. I don't care. I just want to know if everyone was well. If you missed anyone. If the food was <i>amazingggg</i>. I also hope you had a good New Years. I spent mine with my friends. This will be the last New Year where we're all living in the same place and I'm not sure we're ready. I don't think anyone is ready for University, you just have to do it. I could easily be a hermit and stay in my bed and have no social interactions but you just have to do things to be a human being.<br />
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Oh yeah, I also really want to change my blog url because it's embarrassing but then isn't it really complicated to do? Don't you lose all your followers or something? </div>
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-88746940338549381432013-12-16T15:12:00.001+00:002013-12-16T15:24:13.069+00:00My Own Girl Gang<div style="text-align: center;">
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When I look at my life I think of one thing: my friends. We've had so many happy times together it seems sad that it's in our nature to think of the bad things. Of course, we've had our fair share of arguments but doesn't that show how close we are? If you don't argue with someone you're <i>really</i> close to, are you really that close? For me, the arguments have now become happy memories, not because it's that "Oh, we'll laugh when we look back at how stupid we are" (I still do that) but because they've only made us stronger. If we can get through what we think is the worst time, then surely we can get through anything?</div>
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As a group, we've been strong since year seven, with our rucksacks being bigger than us and toothpaste on our school uniforms. Now, we're in our final year of college and, even though we're at different colleges, we're still strong. We talk to each other everyday as if nothing has changed since we were all put in the same form on day one. But as we got closer and as we spent more time together, you could tell the irritation was at it's height. By the end of year eleven, anything somebody said, there would be an argument. Someone would get overly sensitive, or overly competitive or they might just be a little irritable that day (we were under a lot of pressure with exams) and I worried that it was all wearing thin. </div>
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If it was wearing thin, I must take some responsibility. When deciding which college we wanted to go to, I went somewhere else. I went for the easier option. There was a lot of stress going on in my family at the time and I chose quickly, not knowing what I was doing. I made myself think that what I was doing was good for me, I was more obsessed with the idea of going somewhere different than actually doing it. I wanted to be Angela Chase and just have a change. The tensions in the group were getting higher and higher and I just wanted out. I wanted to find my Rayanne Graff and become rebellious. But that's not in my nature and my friends knew that. I knew that, but inside I didn't want to admit it.</div>
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That first year of college was tough, to say the least. I didn't know what I wanted, who I was, where I was going and everyone around me <i>seemed</i> to know. I started comparing myself to everyone else around me. But I was comparing my 'behind-the scenes' to their 'highlight reel' (thanks to Taylor Swift for that). I thought my friends had it sorted and I began clouding my mind with 'what ifs'. What if I went to their college? What if I didn't choose this subject? What if I did this? What if, what if what if?! </div>
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However, what I have realised is everyone my age is confused. We're at that stage in life where nothing is set in stone and that's scary, but it can also be excited depending on how you look at it. I was always scared of it last year, but this year, and I honestly can say, I find it exciting and I think that's down to my friends. It doesn't matter that I went somewhere else because I know I can always go back to them in the evening, at weekends, holidays and so on (insert 'You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home' by Miley Cyrus here and loads of cheesy shit). Finally, I can say, I have no regrets about the last couple of years. </div>
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This summer was great. It was full of laughs and tears and memories that I won't forget and that's all thanks to them. When we all move away to go to University or whatever, I know even then I can talk to them and they'll understand me. It'll be hard, but just like me going to a different college, it's these leaps that we have to do in order to grow as a person and as a group. These past years, we've become more worldly than just the six of us and that's nice. We now see other things than just our little circle but when we need that closure, we can still come together and block off the world. My girl gang is better than any 'Pink Lady' or Riot Grrrrrrrl because they're where I truly belong. </div>
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These past weeks I haven't been writing on my blog as much because I've been growing. To think, I didn't realise any of this until about a month ago. It's the people you surround yourself with that makes you the person that you are, I'm just extremely lucky that I found the right people so early on. What I really want to know is about your 'own personal girl gang', write a blog post or a comment about how much you loveeee your friends! Now, on that rather cheesy note, I feel like I should end with that particular Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana song because I have some inside jokes behind it anyway...</div>
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-62938851856387127982013-11-08T14:35:00.003+00:002013-11-08T14:35:38.036+00:00Thank you!<div style="text-align: center;">
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I'm nearly at 50 followers. The big 5-0. Half of 100. So I'm pretty chuffed with myself because when I started this I had no idea anyone would ever read this. As a gift to you guys, here is the article I wrote for my college magazine. You guys gave some really good ideas and this is what I came up with.<br />
I hope you like it! Tell me your opinion in the comments.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Gender or Genre?</span></h2>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>If you’ve been living under a rock recently, or just have no care for any of today’s popular music, then you won’t know about the whole deal with Miley Cyrus. We once knew her as Miley Stewart, the normal girl by day and by night the rockstar, Hannah Montana, living the ‘best of both worlds‘. But now that’s all changed. She is no longer a Disney princess but is now a twerk maniac who smokes some weed on the side. But is it true what Sinead O’Connor said, is Miley being ‘pimped’ by the music industry? And is it the same for other female artists? These are questions with no easy answers. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>Throughout the years, there have been countless times that women have used their sex appeal to sell a record. Madonna’s 1992 music video for ‘Justify My Love’ had images of bondage and voyeurism and was ultimately banned by MTV. This just led to even more interest and the single is still making money 20 years after it’s release. Rihanna’s ‘Pour It Up’ music video (which was released on the 2nd October of this year) featured near naked pole dancers and a lot of twerking but was not scrutinised as much as Miley Cyrus’ music video for ‘Wrecking Ball’ or her video for ‘We Can’t Stop’. Is it because of how much Cyrus has changed over the years or is Rihanna seen as a more respectful artist? One thing’s for sure, after the release of ‘Wrecking Ball’, I have seen far more music videos on YouTube with the word ‘Explicit’ after it - maybe it’s because it has over 280 million views?</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>Whether they like it or not, females in the music industry are role models. Miley’s confidence is something that should be spoken about more. Everyone knows who she is and she gives off this persona that she doesn’t care what people think about her. She’s on top of the music industry at the moment, which is usually a male haven. But, Sinead O’Connor puts it better than I do, “the message [Miley] keeps sending is that its somehow cool to be prostituted…it’s dangerous. Women are to be valued for so much more than their sexuality. We aren’t merely objects of desire.” While it’s great that Miley and many other female singers are comfortable in their skin, but, due to how society works, the naked body is overtly sexualised and they start to become “objects of desire” without one even realising it. Charlotte Church, in an hour long lecture for Radio 6, added that “the culture of demeaning women in pop music is so ingrained as to have become a routine.” Unfortunately, this is true in other forms of entertainment and society in general. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>But because of people focusing on this argument, we forget about the commercially successful pop women who avoid the controversy around them, for example, Emeli Sande and Taylor Swift have both outsold Rihanna this year. But another female has been talked about a lot recently as well as Miley Cyrus and that’s Lorde. Not because of anything controversial but because of her music. Her current single ‘Royals’ has been number one in America for three weeks now and her new album ‘Pure Heroine’ is currently the ‘album you should listen to this week’ according to The Guardian. There’s also M.I.A who is controversial but in the political sense, showing that women can and do have a say in what goes on around them and we shouldn’t be afraid of voicing our opinions. So while everyone else talks about the day to day life of Miley Cyrus and what she‘ll do next, why not think about other women musicians who are trying to be heard in a man’s world? </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>It’s never easy to answer the question, are you doing it for yourself or for others? And that’s one of the reasons why this debate about Miley Cyrus has been so huge. After all this, maybe, just maybe, she is ‘just being Miley’. </i></span><br />
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-69334256592118703082013-10-31T14:51:00.001+00:002013-10-31T14:51:57.730+00:00HELP ME OUT!!<div style="text-align: center;">
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Guys, I'm having a bit of a dilemma. I've been asked to write an article for my college magazine and I have no idea what to do it on. I currently have <i>zero</i> ideas and I'm having no inspiration. <div>
My dad has tried to give me some ideas (like a film script, and some other stupid ideas about needed the loo..but I won't drag you into that). But a film script doesn't feel...collegey (if that's a word). It sounds like a perfect thing to write for RookieMag or something. I know what the college magazine want, they want boring dribble. </div>
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My mum also tried to throw a few ideas into the mix like a 'What to expect when you got to University Open Days' and I a little bit of sick went into my mouth. Writing that would be so dull and I couldn't make it <i>good. </i></div>
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So this is just a short post to see if you guys could help me with some ideas!! (Right now I'm meant to be making notes for my English coursework on a feminist criticism of <i>A Streetcar Named Desire - </i>THE BEST PLAY EVER!!) </div>
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PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. Any ideas would be grand!!!!!!!</div>
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-15349560279294332302013-10-28T15:51:00.000+00:002013-10-28T15:51:45.151+00:00I'm rambling on...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm finding it quite hard to know what to do with myself right now. I'm on holiday for a week (it's half term if you didn't already know) and I should probably be doing work but it's way too soon to start that crap, right?! I'm home alone and have no idea what to do so I'm writing this and I have no plan for it. I'm currently giving Prism (the Katy Perry album) another chance. I didn't like it when I first heard it, it seems better today. I also have fallen into the Miley Cyrus trap and decided to give Bangerz a listen...and I found myself enjoying it. I have no shame. It's becoming one of those days, y'know.<br />
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Last night I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It's definitely one of my favourite films. I love the line "Why do I always fall in love with every girl I see that gives me the slightest bit of attention?" Because I find myself doing that even though I know they have no feelings towards me. I also love the idea that even if you try and forget something that happened in your life, it will always come back. Clementine and Joel are destined to know each other. It's like when people say "if you could change anything about your life, what would it be?" And believe me, I have hundreds of answers for that. But after I've realised that no matter what, what happens in your life will always happen. I can't keep looking back because life is always going forward and I'll lose it. It's like what the late Lou Reed said, <span style="line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">“I think life is far too short to concentrate on your past. I rather look into the future.” Gah, I love him. Keep walking on the wild side buddy. (Sorry, everyone's said that so I don't feel very imaginative). </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think we have to get past the mentality that it's bad to quit. In my opinion, quitting is the heroic thing. Realising that what you're doing is useless and a waste of your time is clever. What's the point of wasting your time on something you hate when life is so short? It's like when people say life's too short to read bad books and watch bad films. Life's also too short to continue with something that is making you a worse person. To realise that you need to quit what you're doing because it's pointless/hurting you in some way/boring is the brave thing to do. I know that was random but I've been thinking about it a lot. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jealousy is an ugly feeling. I'd say it's probably the worst feeling. Annoyingly, I get it quite a lot but recently I've been pretty good and I'm trying my best to change it. It's like my mind just fills with this black crap and I feel like utter shit. It might be because I'm so painfully paranoid which runs in my family. I feel sorry for the people around me. I feel like they must have to tread on eggshells around me. I'm really trying to get better. I really am. When I do feel jealous, I get away for a bit and breathe. I think about the situation and realise how silly I'm being. Then, hopefully, the black in my mind goes away and I feel good. Then I have a good time. Next time, I need to remember how happy I feel after I've thought it through then soon, that jealous feeling will dissapear. But just like everything that's hard to get through, it'll take time.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Prism has finished. I'm now listening to Bangerz. What have I become? I could be doing something productive now like my History or English coursework...ew...don't make me think about that. It's Monday 28th October and there's meant to be a huge storm in Britain. It's not raining at the moment in Birmingham. How disappointing. In 2005 (I think), there was a tornado in Birmingham. That was pretty cool. A tornado in Birmingham?! Who would've thought?! </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I seem to be rambling on. I doubt people have read all of this. I wouldn't if it was me so I don't blame you. I've already started thinking about Christmas even though it's always pretty depressing. (BAH HUMBUG). What are you guys going to ask Father Christmas for? Because he exists. He does. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I find myself always wanting to get drunk. I seem to always look forward to the next time I can get properly pissed. It's just some fun when you have such a boring life. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: whitesmoke;">I don't own any of these pictures...all were found on Tumblr as usual.</span></span></span></div>
Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1719273611395898113.post-49971605989325775452013-10-18T21:33:00.000+01:002013-10-18T21:33:09.412+01:00We're realists.<div style="text-align: center;">
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I decided to write a little <i>fictional</i> tale. It's not very long but I came up with it when I was walking to college in the pouring rain and I felt as if the rain was only pouring on me. I've not been in the best of moods recently. I've felt very distant from a lot of people and the stress of A2 seems to be <i>really</i> bringing me down. I'm just trying to focus on the fact <i>it's one more year.</i> Then I'm done with college. In the meantime, however, I need to get the grades that will see me safely into University...where I can do English! I know in the past I've said I wanted to do History but I've finally realised how much I want to do English. You know that feeling you get when you read something and you understand it - like <i>really</i> understand it - and it just takes you away from everything that's going wrong in the world? I get a warm feeling in my stomach and to me, that's a good thing. I should be doing things that give me butterflies - the beautiful kind. </div>
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Anyway, here's a little, sort of political, thing that I have written. I hope it....gets you thinking...?</div>
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I walk around with my head a little bit lower but a little more stronger. I may be young but I realise. I'm not the only one, there are tons like me, but more who are not - and that's the problem. We see each other from the rain cloud that follows our every move. We're not ignorant. We're not pessimists. We're right. We're realists. We see the world how it truly is and we know it needs to be changed. But it won't. Because they're too many people who are ignorant. So we trudge on. We live through the misery by putting our umbrellas up and heading into the world.</blockquote>
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Mabel Clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03647709765796160248noreply@blogger.com2