Here she goes again...

Tonight has really been one of those 'feel everything' nights. Feeling everything inside, but nothing happening on the outside. I decided to watch Love, Rosie. Not for any particular reason, except for the fact that I love a hopelessly romantic, cheesy film from time to time - and what better time than on a Sunday? So, while I sit here, feeling all the butterflies in my tummy, it doesn't take long until reality kicks in again. That's why I love those films. No, they're not exactly feminist. They would never pass the Bechdal test. But they do allow you to go into a world of fantasy that seems almost reachable. I guess that would be why they're so incredibly bad for you. Especially someone like me.

I never shy away from my romantic life on this blog. Maybe that's because nothing ever happens. But I think even announcing that is brave. It never feels 'normal' for a nineteen year old to be single and have no prospects of anything other than that, and yet here I am. That's why I think it's brave, because I'm stupidly paranoid about it. Now, I know it's wrong to even put that word 'normal' into a sentence when discussing teenage life (emphasis on the inverted commas), because everyone's different. But going from my experience, I can feel slightly pitied and even patronised when discussing romantic endeavours. I mean, come on, even calling sex and relationships 'romantic endeavours' screams virgin. I like to believe this patronising is all in my head and no one really cares, but that's hard to convince yourself when all anyone wants to know and talk about is sex. 

I've convinced myself a lot of the time that I'm fine. I've never been in a relationship, meaning I don't know any different. But right now, I really want that to change. I really want people to be jealous of me. I really want someone to care for me - again, not very feminist. Actually, scrap that 'care for me', no, I want someone to care about me. I know my friends do, and I know they are great, but they have others they also care about. Who they care more about. I want to be somebody special to someone else. I want to know that when I get lonely, I always have someone to talk to. This paragraph has become incredibly selfish, but I think sometimes you need those selfish moments to reveal what you truly want. I promise, this will be the last selfish post for a while (I can't promise forever, it is my blog). 

This is why I should stop watching anything vaguely romantic. Crazy ideas get in my mind and I start comparing myself to fictional characters. Their life is scripted. Sometimes you can forget that about a film.

"You don't need love and sex in films" - Greta Gerwig

When it comes to films, I like all different kinds. I love the never wanting to admit they're your favourite films - rom-coms, disney etc. I love the really high-brow films that you like to quote in front of new people so they think you're intellectual. I love the films that are filled with violence, drugs, sex etc - even though I'm nothing like that in real life. And I really like films that have little or no plot, they've spent a few million (I'm saying it like that's a small amount, but it is in the film industry!!) and they're just made to represent life in it's normal way - if you get what I mean.

The latter is what I felt when I went to see Frances Ha on Tuesday (my cinema has 'bargain Tuesdays' ALL TICKETS ARE £5, that is my heaven!!!!). It's the ultimate 'indie' (it's in black and white, talk about arty), funny, feel good film. Well, that's what I thought at first, until, like ten minutes in, Frances' best friend, Sophie, moves out to live with someone else and leaves her to figure out the rest of her life. I felt so much empathy for her - when she was sad, I was sad, when she was happy, I was happy. That's always a good sign that you like a film. Frances wants to be a dancer and I connote dancing with happiness, so when her life takes a turn for the worst I felt unbelievably sad. THAT'S what a film should do to someone. Make them feel.

After the film, me and my mum were dancing out of the cinema, just like Greta Gerwig (who plays Frances and wrote the film!!) does in this long scene where she's dancing through the streets of New York with glee. Throughout she wears the coolest clothes, mainly dresses with converses and this huge leather jacket that I just want right. now. Instead, I'm buying myself a pair of converses which I haven't had since I was probably twelve when I thought I was such a cool kid. To be honest, I will probably think that again as soon as I put them on. 

Frances is just a normal girl. Someone you wish was your best friend or older sister because she's a laugh. She likes to play fight in the street, run around laughing and even pee on train tracks (don't try that at your local train station guys..). She has the coolest friends, including Lev who is played by Adam Driver (the dreamy Adam from Girls) and Rachel, played by Grace Gummer who is Meryl Streep's daughter (Okay, the person she plays isn't actually that nice but, hello, her mum is Meryl Streep). The only person I didn't like was her best friend Sophie (played by Sting's daughter...I don't like Sting). Overall, though, it's just a fun film. At some points you feel so deeply upset, my heart literally sank - literally is used extremely lightly here - but that's life. That's what's so great about these films, they tell the truth about life. There can sometimes be no plot that a 'normal' film may see but, hey, the real plot is life.