Saturday, 27 September 2014

A Room Without A View

I have officially been at the University of Bristol for a week and it's been rather crazy. After having a relatively quiet and sad first day, as I only had two other people in my flat (one never leaving his room and the other being completely wet) the week has become marginally better. One more person arrived, a girl this time, who I actually have a lot in common with and who actually wants to go out and be social. However, I constantly have this paranoia that everyone I tag along with is annoyed with me. My flat is quiet. We don't usually pre-drink together because half the people don't even want to go out so we find another flat. That's where I feel unwanted.

I live in the city centre with a lot of noise and a car park to look out on too, but I'm used to it being from the big city Birmingham. I look around and I feel like everyone has made best friends already and I'm sat in my room going insane and still watching Friends reruns. I'm really trying my best though. I have met some great people but you know when someone gives you a look or says something weird and you become incredibly uncomfortable? Yeah, that happens to me a lot. I think I must blow it straight out of proportion. Everyone's nervous, everyone's uncomfortable, everyone's new. So, I have kept trying and I've had some great nights.

The other day I felt a bit low. I've already got 'fresher's flu' and I was feeling lonely. But it is getting easier. I feel way more comfortable in my flat now - I was just watching Friends in the kitchen in a rather unflattering position and didn't give two shits what anyone thought! I just wish I had a more of a 'family flat' which everyone else seems to have. There I go again, comparing myself to everyone else. But I do feel like I'm getting better. Rather than letting that paranoia and jealousy eat me away, I've fought it. I still constantly text people to ask what they're doing. I still invite people out. I still tag along. And because I do that, I've had some great nights. I just really don't want another dreadful three years after my years at college.

Bristol is beautiful. I've already fallen in love with all the buildings and rivers and boats and cafes and bars and pubs and amazing things. There's always something to do here...However, there is a massive hill up to the university that will be the death of me. I wonder if Kate Bush was thinking about this hill when writing 'Running up that Hill' because my god, it is huge. Luckily, doing English means I'm only in 7 hours a week (I know and I'm paying £9000 a year) so less time for me to walk up that hill. I've come to every lecture so far drenched in sweat. Not a good first impression. (It's really not, people actively don't talk to me because of it but they're bitches). One bit of advice, don't bother with bitches. Work out who are the twats early on and don't spend time with them. You're amazing and they're not worth it.

Well, this blog post was a bit all over the place, which is just like my brain right now. I'm still settling in but I felt that I should write something to let you guys know how it's going. I'm sorry about this being so dreadful. Better post next time! I promise!

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Music makes everything a bit better

I'll be leaving for the University of Bristol in less than a month. Everything is seriously changing and I'm so scared. I have no idea what to expect. I constantly think that no one's going to like me or I'm not going to like them. I worry that I'm going to have a terrible time. The only thing keeping me going is the thought that I'm not alone. Everyone else in my boat is scared and to know that is very reassuring.

I'm going to be doing English which strives on the thoughts and feelings of all different people and cultures, so when you discover a book/song/film that talks about everything you're going through, it feels good. I like that I'll be doing a subject that requires empathy rather than, how can I say, 'selfishness'? I just feel that society claims to encourage people to do what they want, but people fall at the first hurdle and do things that are easy to get a job. People miss out on what they truly love and are interested in, and in turn, they make fun of those people that are doing something they love.

Don't get me wrong, I still freak about the future and worry about getting a job. (After having two parents as teachers I really don't want to be one). But we've also got into a trap that says science is the only way to get good jobs...sometimes I think it's true. Only because, it's not what you know, it's who you know. It's all about connections, especially in the arts. I have no connections, but the ever changing world of technology has technically helped me in some way. If this was 100 years ago, I'm sure I wouldn't be going to University, let alone writing my own blog that people actually read! I hope this will help in some way for my future, 'til now, I've got to focus on what's happening now rather than worrying about the future.

Here are a few songs that I listen to when I'm in need of some encouragement. I hope you enjoy them but also, send me some of your favourite songs that really help when you're feeling down.

Don't Give Up - Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush

I Don't Blame You - Cat Power

Laura - Bat For Lashes

Unfucktheworld - Angel Olsen

 God Only Knows - The Beach Boys

Here, There and Everywhere - The Beatles

The Blues are Still Blue - Belle and Sebastian

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright - Bob Dylan

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths

Where do the children play? - Cat Stevens

Dreams - Fleetwood Mac

Moments of Pleasure - Kate Bush

Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole - Martha Wainwright
(Must end on the ultimate 'fuck you' song)