Thursday, 31 October 2013


Guys, I'm having a bit of a dilemma. I've been asked to write an article for my college magazine and I have no idea what to do it on. I currently have zero ideas and I'm having no inspiration. 
My dad has tried to give me some ideas (like a film script, and some other stupid ideas about needed the loo..but I won't drag you into that). But a film script doesn't feel...collegey (if that's a word). It sounds like a perfect thing to write for RookieMag or something. I know what the college magazine want, they want boring dribble. 
My mum also tried to throw a few ideas into the mix like a 'What to expect when you got to University Open Days' and I a little bit of sick went into my mouth. Writing that would be so dull and I couldn't make it good. 

So this is just a short post to see if you guys could help me with some ideas!! (Right now I'm meant to be making notes for my English coursework on a feminist criticism of A Streetcar Named Desire - THE BEST PLAY EVER!!) 

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. Any ideas would be grand!!!!!!!

Monday, 28 October 2013

I'm rambling on...

I'm finding it quite hard to know what to do with myself right now. I'm on holiday for a week (it's half term if you didn't already know) and I should probably be doing work but it's way too soon to start that crap, right?! I'm home alone and have no idea what to do so I'm writing this and I have no plan for it. I'm currently giving Prism (the Katy Perry album) another chance. I didn't like it when I first heard it, it seems better today. I also have fallen into the Miley Cyrus trap and decided to give Bangerz a listen...and I found myself enjoying it. I have no shame. It's becoming one of those days, y'know.

Last night I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It's definitely one of my favourite films. I love the line "Why do I always fall in love with every girl I see that gives me the slightest bit of attention?" Because I find myself doing that even though I know they have no feelings towards me. I also love the idea that even if you try and forget something that happened in your life, it will always come back. Clementine and Joel are destined to know each other. It's like when people say "if you could change anything about your life, what would it be?" And believe me, I have hundreds of answers for that. But after I've realised that no matter what, what happens in your life will always happen. I can't keep looking back because life is always going forward and I'll lose it. It's like what the late Lou Reed said, “I think life is far too short to concentrate on your past. I rather look into the future.” Gah, I love him. Keep walking on the wild side buddy. (Sorry, everyone's said that so I don't feel very imaginative).

I think we have to get past the mentality that it's bad to quit. In my opinion, quitting is the heroic thing. Realising that what you're doing is useless and a waste of your time is clever. What's the point of wasting your time on something you hate when life is so short? It's like when people say life's too short to read bad books and watch bad films. Life's also too short to continue with something that is making you a worse person. To realise that you need to quit what you're doing because it's pointless/hurting you in some way/boring is the brave thing to do. I know that was random but I've been thinking about it a lot.

Jealousy is an ugly feeling. I'd say it's probably the worst feeling. Annoyingly, I get it quite a lot but recently I've been pretty good and I'm trying my best to change it. It's like my mind just fills with this black crap and I feel like utter shit. It might be because I'm so painfully paranoid which runs in my family. I feel sorry for the people around me. I feel like they must have to tread on eggshells around me. I'm really trying to get better. I really am. When I do feel jealous, I get away for a bit and breathe. I think about the situation and realise how silly I'm being. Then, hopefully, the black in my mind goes away and I feel good. Then I have a good time. Next time, I need to remember how happy I feel after I've thought it through then soon, that jealous feeling will dissapear. But just like everything that's hard to get through, it'll take time.

Prism has finished. I'm now listening to Bangerz. What have I become? I could be doing something productive now like my History or English coursework...ew...don't make me think about that. It's Monday 28th October and there's meant to be a huge storm in Britain. It's not raining at the moment in Birmingham. How disappointing. In 2005 (I think), there was a tornado in Birmingham. That was pretty cool. A tornado in Birmingham?! Who would've thought?!

I seem to be rambling on. I doubt people have read all of this. I wouldn't if it was me so I don't blame you. I've already started thinking about Christmas even though it's always pretty depressing. (BAH HUMBUG). What are you guys going to ask Father Christmas for? Because he exists. He does. 

I find myself always wanting to get drunk. I seem to always look forward to the next time I can get properly pissed. It's just some fun when you have such a boring life.

Oh, I can't wait for this year to be over.

I don't own any of these pictures...all were found on Tumblr as usual.

Friday, 18 October 2013

We're realists.

I decided to write a little fictional tale. It's not very long but I came up with it when I was walking to college  in the pouring rain and I felt as if the rain was only pouring on me. I've not been in the best of moods recently. I've felt very distant from a lot of people and the stress of A2 seems to be really bringing me down. I'm just trying to focus on the fact it's one more year. Then I'm done with college. In the meantime, however, I need to get the grades that will see me safely into University...where I can do English! I know in the past I've said I wanted to do History but I've finally realised how much I want to do English. You know that feeling you get when you read something and you understand it - like really understand it - and it just takes you away from everything that's going wrong in the world? I get a warm feeling in my stomach and to me, that's a good thing. I should be doing things that give me butterflies - the beautiful kind. 

Anyway, here's a little, sort of political, thing that I have written. I hope it....gets you thinking...?
I walk around with my head a little bit lower but a little more stronger. I may be young but I realise. I'm not the only one, there are tons like me, but more who are not - and that's the problem. We see each other from the rain cloud that follows our every move. We're not ignorant. We're not pessimists. We're right. We're realists. We see the world how it truly is and we know it needs to be changed. But it won't. Because they're too many people who are ignorant. So we trudge on. We live through the misery by putting our umbrellas up and heading into the world.

All pictures from tumblr as usual.

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Evening drives

I haven't been here in a while. It makes me quite sad to think I left this for nearly a month. Something I really like doing. Something that keeps my imagination blooming. Something that makes me happy. And I left it. I've started my second year of college and, to be frank, it's awful. But right now, I don't feel like talking about that. (But don't worry, some depressing, teenagery, moody posts to come!)

It's been a while since I've felt a rush of happiness. You know that feeling, when your heart flutters and you can't help but smile. By using the term 'heart flutters' it sounds like I've fallen in love with someone... Well, not today. I've not fallen in love with someone, but something. Something, meaning my hometown. I've always seen it as depressing hole of nothingness. Whenever I'm walking around or on a bus I have a feeling of dread looking at the decrepit place that is Birmingham. But this time it was different.

I've always liked evening drives. They make me feel safe and innocent. Now, it's getting colder and the evenings are getting darker and while I usually (and most people) see this as a bad thing, I've started to view it differently. At the moment I've been looking at University Open Days which is an exciting prospect (but also really, really stressful). I don't want to grow up just yet but I do want to leave Birmingham. However, when me and my dad were driving back from Manchester, I couldn't help but smile when I saw the lights shine across Birmingham. 

Music was playing in my ears. The sun had dipped behind the buildings and was soon going to be unseen. Even the rubbish, that is inevitable in a huge city, made my heart warm. And the lights, the multitudes of lights, looked like stars. I felt like a child again. Anything was possible for me in that brief period and I just couldn't stop smiling. This feeling only stayed for a few minutes but I've started to realise that every second you're happy, even if it's a really minor thing, you should try and remember it. Life is hard - everyone knows that. But sometimes it just takes an evening drive, listening to the best music, to realise where you are and what you could possibly accomplish if you put your heart to it.