The Ballad of Maggie O'Hara

I had a rush of inspiration this morning and decided to write a story. I feel that someone one day should write a modern version of 'Tess of the D'Urbervilles' as it still fits with today's society and it would just be so good. Anyway, with that in mind, I have written a little fictional tale about my heroine: Maggie O'Hara. Please, tell me what you think. I rarely write stories but I would like to do it more.


Maggie O’Hara stared at the shapes formed by the iron filings next to the magnet. She made out an image of a lone lion that was staring right back at her. When her brothers and sisters had had enough, Maggie put them away but that image was stuck in her mind and would for many years to come.
Maggie was the oldest of five children whom she had to take care of when their parents worked extra night shifts to get more money, this being one of those nights. However, this time she received a text from her friend asking her to come out. Despite knowing she shouldn’t, she waited until she could hear the slow rhythm of sleeping children snoring and snuck out into the darkness which swallowed her whole.
This was not like Maggie. Perhaps she was tired of missing out or she needed to escape from her claustrophobic, prison-like home. Either way, as she was running to greet her friends, she felt the soft prick of the night’s cool air on her face. Protectively beside her she saw the lion running with her, the paws thumping in a chanting rhythm. She cracked a smile as she ran with the beast feeling free.

As Maggie and her friends entered the club, Maggie felt like someone was watching her. Assuming it was just guilt for leaving home, she brushed it off and carried on dancing. However, in the dark corners of the room, a tall, ghostly man had spotted her and could not look away. Watching her dance perfectly to the beat of the music was hypnotising, like a feather floating perfectly with the wind. It was as if everything had slowed down and he could even see the soft hairs on her arms swaying to the rhythm. She danced like a dream and he was unable to look away.
Maggie noticed the man staring and she suddenly became very still and anxious. She was here to have a good time with friends and she didn’t want anyone to ruin that. Maggie walked to the bar to get him off her mind and ordered a drink, unaware that the man was also on the move.
Maggie felt a gentle brush on her hips and turned around. There, standing in front of her, was the man in the corner. Up close he was handsome with piercing blue eyes and a subtle beard that made him look manly, but there was an essence to him that made Maggie’s soft brown eyes turn sharp and scared. She turned back to the bar, trying to ignore him, when he moved a section of her hair away from her ear which made her stop dead still as he whispered, “let me buy that for you.”
There was a hint of laughter behind his speech making Maggie feel more wary. She looked straight past him to catch a glimpse of someone she knew but she couldn’t against the crowd of people dancing. She looked up at him with her innocent eyes and agreed.
She quietly gave thanks and started to leave when she was pulled back harshly by her wrist,
“Hey! You owe me a dance!” 
The man looked at her as if she was his prey. Brushing his hand off her wrist, she shouted over the music, “I don’t owe you anything,” and turned back into the crowds of people as the man watched her leave.
Maggie found her friends but decided not to tell them what happened. Instead, she continued to dance and held the tears back, feeling completely degraded and small.

It had passed 2am when Maggie became tired and her mind was clouded by the alcohol. She stumbled to the toilet on her own and sat in the cubicle trying to regain her thoughts. The graffiti written on the cubicle door was spinning but she thought she could just make out the letters, ‘S.O.S,’ which imprinted on her brain. 
When she left the toilet she felt a warm hand on her shoulder guiding her to follow. She suddenly felt the hit of the cold night air on her bare skin making her feel extremely vulnerable. She had no idea who she was with, where she was, or where her friends were and the alcohol she had consumed meant she could not find out. 
She felt a hard push on her chest as she hit a wall behind her causing panic to rush around her. The hand that felt like a safe guide was now touching her in places she had never been touched before. She was unable to move, the fear that consumed her had glued her feet to the floor, making them heavy like bricks. 
Her skin felt delicate against the cold, hard wall she was leaning against. Her eyes were wide with fear as the dark silhouette had begun to form in front of her and she saw those two blue eyes that had drowned her mind in the club before. Her mouth began to form a scream which was cut short by his rough hand, leaving him to only see her brown eyes full of fear. 
The night had surrounded them. The man could not be seen by anyone and Maggie could not be saved. She felt the hard thrusts form a rhythm of constant pain all over her body making it become weaker and weaker at each hit. His eyes stared constantly at her which had formed salty tears that landed on her hand that was still on her mouth.
There was nothing she could do. She felt hopeless and stupid as she saw the once protective lion look on at her pityingly as she was bound to the male hand’s of a stranger.