When I look at my life I think of one thing: my friends. We've had so many happy times together it seems sad that it's in our nature to think of the bad things. Of course, we've had our fair share of arguments but doesn't that show how close we are? If you don't argue with someone you're really close to, are you really that close? For me, the arguments have now become happy memories, not because it's that "Oh, we'll laugh when we look back at how stupid we are" (I still do that) but because they've only made us stronger. If we can get through what we think is the worst time, then surely we can get through anything?
As a group, we've been strong since year seven, with our rucksacks being bigger than us and toothpaste on our school uniforms. Now, we're in our final year of college and, even though we're at different colleges, we're still strong. We talk to each other everyday as if nothing has changed since we were all put in the same form on day one. But as we got closer and as we spent more time together, you could tell the irritation was at it's height. By the end of year eleven, anything somebody said, there would be an argument. Someone would get overly sensitive, or overly competitive or they might just be a little irritable that day (we were under a lot of pressure with exams) and I worried that it was all wearing thin.
If it was wearing thin, I must take some responsibility. When deciding which college we wanted to go to, I went somewhere else. I went for the easier option. There was a lot of stress going on in my family at the time and I chose quickly, not knowing what I was doing. I made myself think that what I was doing was good for me, I was more obsessed with the idea of going somewhere different than actually doing it. I wanted to be Angela Chase and just have a change. The tensions in the group were getting higher and higher and I just wanted out. I wanted to find my Rayanne Graff and become rebellious. But that's not in my nature and my friends knew that. I knew that, but inside I didn't want to admit it.
That first year of college was tough, to say the least. I didn't know what I wanted, who I was, where I was going and everyone around me seemed to know. I started comparing myself to everyone else around me. But I was comparing my 'behind-the scenes' to their 'highlight reel' (thanks to Taylor Swift for that). I thought my friends had it sorted and I began clouding my mind with 'what ifs'. What if I went to their college? What if I didn't choose this subject? What if I did this? What if, what if what if?!
However, what I have realised is everyone my age is confused. We're at that stage in life where nothing is set in stone and that's scary, but it can also be excited depending on how you look at it. I was always scared of it last year, but this year, and I honestly can say, I find it exciting and I think that's down to my friends. It doesn't matter that I went somewhere else because I know I can always go back to them in the evening, at weekends, holidays and so on (insert 'You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home' by Miley Cyrus here and loads of cheesy shit). Finally, I can say, I have no regrets about the last couple of years.
This summer was great. It was full of laughs and tears and memories that I won't forget and that's all thanks to them. When we all move away to go to University or whatever, I know even then I can talk to them and they'll understand me. It'll be hard, but just like me going to a different college, it's these leaps that we have to do in order to grow as a person and as a group. These past years, we've become more worldly than just the six of us and that's nice. We now see other things than just our little circle but when we need that closure, we can still come together and block off the world. My girl gang is better than any 'Pink Lady' or Riot Grrrrrrrl because they're where I truly belong.
These past weeks I haven't been writing on my blog as much because I've been growing. To think, I didn't realise any of this until about a month ago. It's the people you surround yourself with that makes you the person that you are, I'm just extremely lucky that I found the right people so early on. What I really want to know is about your 'own personal girl gang', write a blog post or a comment about how much you loveeee your friends! Now, on that rather cheesy note, I feel like I should end with that particular Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana song because I have some inside jokes behind it anyway...
All pictures from Tumblr..as per usual............
