The Other Side

It's a week today since my last exam. I've spent my freedom reading, thinking and going out 'til 4am with my friends. I guess, at 18, I finally feel like a proper teenager. But all these late nights have finally caught up on me and I'm tired all the time. I guess it's good I decided to save the late nights until after college. It seems I have this weird thing where I think I'm different to how I actually am. I think I'm better and I ooze that confidence when I'm out, but it doesn't fit. It's not my personality, but my looks. I just can't decide if it's a good thing or not?

We will never be able to see ourselves, only our reflections and pictures - to me, that seems really strange. I wouldn't ever say I'm the best looking person, because I'm not, I've never thought that, but I do always think I'm better than I actually am. When I walk down the street, I don't think about my chunky thighs banging together, or my round tummy wobbling. I imagine myself as someone else, someone that doesn't exist, someone with a lot of confidence, who can get up in the morning and leave the house with a smile on their face. I don't do it in order to do those things, I just naturally picture myself like that. Sadly, you can imagine my disappointment when I expect so much but get so little because of my imagination.

You can imagine my shock when I see photographs of myself, or I look in the mirror. But even then, I don't hate myself. But I don't change myself when I know I can and probably should. I have one life, or so they say, and this is what I'm trapped in. I think this persona I have in my mind is me, just not who I'm projecting.  Sometimes I feel like unzipping this current layer and stepping out as the person I assume I am - but it's never that easy. It seems this is similar to the 'fake it 'til you make it' saying - perhaps this is what I'm doing. Or maybe I'm just mental.

Perhaps I don't ooze this confidence, but I feel like I do. I'm an introvert, sometimes. It always depends who I'm with. With my friends, I breakout of my shell and this is when I'm this 'other' person. I do like to think that this must be the real me. I feel like this is what Allen Ginsberg was like, or maybe he really was just a confident, pretentious twat. Or the same with any other poet, writer. I feel like you need this other side of yourself because without it, will be ever have art with meaning? If people were fully their confident type, art would be selfish. Without confidence, we would live a lifeless existence without literature to get us through it.

Well, I don't know where my mind is going with this. I didn't plan for that ending, that's for sure. Maybe it's because I recently finished an amazing book (The Song Of Achilles by Madeline Miller) which I think you should all read. If you've read a really good book recently, please recommend it to me, I'm in need, now I've finished my book, I don't really know what to do with myself. Also, now I've finished with my a levels, maybe you'll be seeing more of me...or maybe I'll still be stuck in my writer's block. Either way, keep sending me messages to inspire me please.

(Just had to, look at that moustache - oh and relationship like Paul and Linda's please: favourite song at the moment.)

Body Issues

You may have noticed from my past few blog posts that I haven't been having the best few months and that can also be shown on the scales. This month I've gained half a stone and, to be honest, I'm actually freaking out by it and I hate that I'm thinking like that. If I know that everyone is beautiful no matter what shape or size, why don't I think that about myself? 

This week I saw an article about Frankie Sandford from The Saturdays about how she's put on weight from a size 8 to a size 10. This article was extremely negative about this weight gain, saying things like "apparently she's happy about the weight she's gained." Well, if she's happy, then why should we care? And why is it that a female's weight is part of the news?! The article ended with a slide show filled with celebrities that had lost weight and were obviously very unhealthy, however, they were saying how amazing they looked. Really we should be encouraging people to be a healthy weight. Being 'skinny' does not mean they are fit or healthy. That's what people need to realise. 

It depresses me that because these females are in the limelight they feel that they must lose weight. Everyone is different. We are encouraged at a young age to think differently, have our own ideas about things, however, why when we grow up is it not the same? Society has forced us into thinking one way is the best way and sadly weight is one of the major factors. Designer 
Caroline Castigliano has been working in fashion for two decades and in her London Fashion Week show, of this year, she couldn't find 8 models that were of a healthy weight. Most designers don't even care about this, so when girls of my age or younger see these images, we think it is the norm. 

In a Sociology lesson that I had the other week we looked through a number of magazines all for different ages. For every single female magazine it mentioned something about dieting, even the children's magazines. This made me realise how much of a problem this is and it wasn't until recently that I realised that it was also a problem for me. I can admit that I am overweight, I know my BMI, however, if I do lose weight, it's for myself. It's to get healthy. It's not for anyone else. Which is why I appreciated Frankie Sandford for telling everyone she gained weight for herself and because she wanted to be healthy. Girls need good role models in their lives and we need to stick together to make a difference because recently, I have felt that feminism has been going backwards.

Actions speak louder then words. Which is why I know writing a blog post about this won't do much, however, every little bit counts. Read some magazines and get noticing these things. Send complaints to editors or tv programme studios and let's start making a difference! You never know, you could be the next Gloria Steinem.

 

This is an image of the model Karlie Kloss that was published

in a Japanese magazine. 

Dove did a campaign to make people aware of the power of photoshop.

 

However, it is not just women who have body issues.