Inside a lazy person's mind

I saw 'Inside Llewyn Davis' last night and it seems that the Coen Brothers have done it again. Their parents must be so fucking proud. I now long to live in New York and write films, however, I doubt that will ever happen. Unlike the Joel Coen, I didn't work at the age of eight to save up to buy a camera and then make remakes of films I had already seen. Instead, I had no idea what I wanted to do. Who does at the age of eight? I went from pop star, to hairdresser, to writer (to be honest I still want to be this) to actress (and this). I change my mind so often that I've started to put off things because I think I'll change my mind again. Or maybe I put off things because I'm lazy...that seems more likely.

Everything for Llewyn Davis was just going wrong. No one would buy his music. Everyone around him was doing well. And he just spent his time finding sofas to sleep on for the night at someone's house. I felt so much empathy for him. I constantly feel like everyone else is doing so well and I'm stuck in a rut. Perhaps everyone feels this way - which I can see to be true. But even though everything seemed to be going wrong for Llewyn, he never seemed to give up. Not properly anyway. I, however, give up on things very easily. Even if I enjoy them. If they take up too much time, I'll stop doing it. If it's hard work, I'll stop doing it. Yes, it seems I am the epitome of a lazy person.

Maybe if I lived in New York it would be different. Maybe if I saw everyone else around me looking like they have a purpose I would keep going. Llewyn may have had it bad, but at least he didn't live in Birmingham. It would be a dream to even visit New York. But I also feel that there's no use having high hopes because they're more likely to crash and burn and make you feel worse. I, instead, make out that everything is going to be rubbish. A party. A result. A college day. So that when it happens, it's not as bad as I thought. If that makes me a pessimist, at least I get happy from the outcome.

Even though I know I'm lazy and I give up, I still keep doing it. However, when I'm 80 years old, I don't think I'll feel like I did nothing with my life. Not everyone can be Nelson Mandela. We must look at the small victories. For example, at the moment, my blog makes me feel like I'm doing something productive. It's helping my writing and the comments make me feel like I'm helping people. I just feel like people need to know they're not the only ones feeling the way they do, so that's why I write honest blog posts. So far, I've done this for nearly a year and I've kept up with it. I've had rocky moments but I've always come back.

Anyway, I highly recommend that you go and see Inside Llewyn Davis. It's perfect. The music in it was so amazing to watch, instead of cutting it half way through, they play the whole song. The best scene though is definitely when Oscar Isaac, Justin Timberlake and Adam Driver sing a song called 'Please Mr Kennedy.' Me and my brother have been singing it for nearly a week now and it never gets old. It's on youtube if you want to check it out - it won't ruin the film for you. The film is just really funny and relatable. Life's tough.

All pictures from Tumblr, you can tell I'm lazy because I can't be bothered to get the specific links... Maybe instead of Mabel's Mind, my blog url should be 'lazypersonsmind'

The obsession with 'cool'

Why is everyone obsessed with being cool? If someone isn't cool, people make out that they're not worth talking to. If you don't wear certain clothes, listen to specific music or say the 'coolest' things, then that ultimately means you're not cool. This obsession leaves me filled with anxiety when I do something that I know most people don't see as cool and then I don't know what people want from me! Surely the idea of 'cool' should be an opinion. There's no specific way to be cool because, for me, I see things as cool that no other people would. 

 Next Saturday I'm going to see Taylor Swift. Now, I know Rookie and Tavi love Taylor Swift. Lorde is friends with Taylor Swift. The Vaccines are fans of Taylor Swift. Nearly every magazine and newspaper are positive about Taylor Swift. But everyone else doesn't think she's cool. To be honest, I don't necessarily think her music is cool but that's not why I like her. I'm not so obsessed with my appearance or the way people think of me to stop not liking things just because they're not 'cool' in other people's eyes. But I still constantly feel judged. For me, the 22 music video is cool. I want to have friends that dance to cheesy songs, eat loads of cake and pizza and just have a fun time not caring about anyone else. Instead, I constantly feel ridiculed by what I like.

Why can't people forget about their 'coolness' for a while and just have a good time? I think it may be because of who I'm with. People at my college are obsessed with being cool. The way they talk in a really 'hoity toity' (never thought I'd ever use that phrase) way. The way they look at everyone else as if they're much better. The way they actively don't talk to people or make an effort with people just because they're not there version of cool. It makes me sick. 

What's even more annoying is that this idea of cool changes so often. People I know change their opinions so often to fit in with what's cool. Don't get me wrong, I do this too. I change my opinion all the time, but not so it can fit under the category of cool. I just feel that it's hard being a teenager. We already have stress with exams, why create more stress by inventing what's cool and what isn't. Why can't we just like whatever we want without being constantly ridiculed. 

However, what I have also realised is that even the idea of coolness is mocked. I rarely like music from nowadays apart from Taylor Swift and a few exceptions. But I do really like stuff from the 60s, 70s and 80s. The other day I was discussing what music I liked (music seems to be the highest point of what is cool) and I mentioned that I rarely like contemporary music. This came with a sarcastic comment, "oooo you're so indie and hipster." Probably one of the worst things ever to hear at my age, but again, I don't see why. WE CAN NEVER WIN. I don't like the music I like just because it's cool, I like it because it's great and it makes me feel good. Surely that should be why we like things, not because it's cool but because it makes us feel gooooood. 

I wouldn't see my blog as cool, but someone else might. My brother looked at it (without my consent) and mentioned how it was cool but I've never really thought about it. I write about what I'm interested in, what I think others would like to hear and what is circling in my brain at the time. That may be 'cool' but I don't mean it to be. This just seems to add to another stress of being a teenager that I can not be bothered to deal with. Leave a comment if you feel the same as me or have any stories about 'coolness'. As usual, thanks for reading pals.

I've played all my cards

I always seem to get inspiration for a blog post, a film, a book at night. I don't know whether it's because nothing else around me is happening and it's only me, my bed and my thoughts but I always regret never writing them down (I'm lazy) because I never remember them the next day. Who knows, I could have the answer to the meaning of life but I don't remember it. Sometimes I write notes on my phone when I have a blog post idea and I checked just now but all it has is films I want to watch, books I want to read and Christmas present ideas (how selfish). This isn't going to be one of those cheesy 'new year, new me' things because I've been a new person for seventeen years now and I'm bored. Now I have to focus on A Levels.

I have all my offers for University. How daunting is that? They've given me grades that I need to achieve by the end of the year but I don't want to think about that. I need to stop thinking about the future and take each day as it comes. Whenever someone says that, I don't really understand what they mean. We all go through each day, we can't ever skip one. 'Live in the moment' is such a cheesy saying that I'm cringing just thinking about it. You can't 'live in the fucking moment' without what happened in the past and what will happen in the future. I'm sick of thinking about what I will achieve when I'm older. What I want to be. Who I want to become. University is a place where people assume their prospects are so high, that everything will work out for them. But as soon as you leave, it's like leaving out the back of a building where it's all dark and mouldy and stinks of shit.

I'm not being a pessimist. I can't wait for University and the opportunities and all that crap but at the moment I want to take advantage of the fact that I'm still technically a child. I have my parents and friends. I don't feel like that's an unhealthy thought. So many people want to grow up but I'm the opposite, I would happily stay dependent on my mum but I know one day I'll have to walk through the door to the back of the building. But for now, I want to listen to Abba on my new record player and read all the shit books that make me happy and watch my favourite films.

I hope we all had a good Christmas. I go on YouTube a lot and so many people are doing the 'what they got for christmas' thing. I don't care. I just want to know if everyone was well. If you missed anyone. If the food was amazingggg. I also hope you had a good New Years. I spent mine with my friends. This will be the last New Year where we're all living in the same place and I'm not sure we're ready. I don't think anyone is ready for University, you just have to do it. I could easily be a hermit and stay in my bed and have no social interactions but you just have to do things to be a human being.

Oh yeah, I also really want to change my blog url because it's embarrassing but then isn't it really complicated to do? Don't you lose all your followers or something? 

All pictures from Tumblrrrrrrr.