I'll be strong. I'll be wrong. But life goes on.

I'm growing up guys. Not by my own accord - people are forcing me to. I'm sure you can tell by my writing that I'm basically like a thirteen year old still. Well, today, I had to get loads and loads prospectuses for Universities. Not only did I feel the stress from deciding where to go and what I want to do (preferably History). I also felt the pain from carrying all those heavy prospectuses around town in my backpack. That was not a nice feeling - my back and shoulders still hurt - hopefully I won't start associating University with that pain. 

I don't want to grow up, but, then again, I do want to go to University. The whole 'being in debt all my life' and all that has started to put me down though. I just want to get away from Birmingham. It's a grim and dark city filled with the worst people imaginable. I know I'm not going to ever get away from horrible people. However, there will always be nice people as well. Birmingham hasn't been that bad. As you know from my previous post, I do have some amazing friends. If I lived somewhere else, who knows what I'd be like? But one shouldn't spend their time thinking about what could have been and focus on the future. Hence why I'm surrounded by all these books talking about how great their University is.

Back to the point - I do want to go to University. I want to get away from my college and meet some different people, become more independent. It's a scary world. As lovely Atticus Finch said to Jem, “There's a lot of ugly things in this world, son. I wish I could keep 'em all away from you. That's never possible.” (I think I'm in love with Atticus). I need to focus on the positive things. I'm never going to get away from terrible things but I am going to learn and grow and live. I do have a tendency for always looking at the bad things, but surely that's just humans in general. Don't we all always focus mainly on the negative things? I'm trying to get better at looking at things differently and trying to find and want happiness. 

Don't you miss being a little kid though? They can say and do anything and people won't care. I do think that we need to grow up but I don't think we should completely lose our childlike tendencies. I still manage to do some weird things in public. My mum came back from a conference thing in Cambridge and we collected her from the train station. So, when I saw her from afar, in front of everyone, I ran in slow motion towards her really weirdly and I just didn't care what people would think of me. I love moments like that. When you don't care about anyone, you're just enjoying yourself. These little moments are things that everyone should hold on to. We were all children once - why let it go? Why grow up too quickly? Why decide that what you used to do is immature? Just be (as Paloma Faith would say).